Have you ever had a friend who feels more like family?
Someone you instinctively call when you have good news to share, when you have had a terrible day, or when you are trying to get through a difficult decision.
Someone who knows the version of you that most people do not see, and with whom you can talk about almost anything.
Maybe you have spent years growing alongside each other. You have been there through breakups, career changes, family struggles, late-night conversations and all the little moments in between. Such a relationship can hold a lot of love, trust and a deep bond, without either of you wanting it to become romantic.
That is where platonic relationships come in.
A 2023 Pew Research Center survey found that 61% of adults surveyed considered having close friends extremely or very important to living a fulfilling life. Only 23% said the same about being married.
Even so, we often grow up with the idea that romantic love should take centre stage in our lives. This is part of what amatonormativity is: the assumption that everyone naturally wants a romantic relationship and should prioritise it over other relationships in their life.
So, what does a platonic relationship really look like? And why can it often seem like romantic love is given more weight than other forms of love? In this blog, let’s explore the meaning of platonic relationships, everyday examples, emotional intimacy in friendship, benefits, and how counselling can help us make sense of complications and challenges within these relationships.
So, what exactly makes a relationship platonic?
Put simply, a platonic relationship is a close relationship that’s built on affection, trust and care without romantic or sexual involvement. It can be a friendship where you feel deeply understood and are comfortable being yourself, without wanting the relationship to become romantic.
That might sound straightforward, but platonic relationships can look quite different from one person to another. For some, it is a lifelong friendship that feels almost like family. For others, it might be someone they have known for only a few years or even just months, but with whom they have developed a very close bond.
This is also where the term platonic love comes in. The word does not mean that the relationship somehow corresponds to lesser importance or love. Rather, it describes a type of closeness that is not centred around romantic or sexual attraction.
“A platonic relationship is proof that love doesn’t always need romance to be real.” – Maya Patel
In other words, platonic does not have to mean distant. A relationship can be deeply intimate as well as emotionally significant without being romantic.
Have you ever wondered why we often tend to assume that two people who share a close bond must have romantic feelings for each other?
Part of the answer to this lies in amatonormativity, a term coined by philosopher Elizabeth Brake. It describes the widely common societal assumption that everyone wants an exclusive, romantic, long-term relationship and that this kind of relationship should take priority over other forms of connection.
You might recognise some of this in everyday life. Two close friends spend most of their free time together, and people immediately ask, “Are you two dating?” Someone who is single is asked when they are going to “find someone”. Or a friend who moves in with another friend may be met with more curiosity and judgement than someone moving in with a romantic partner.
None of these assumptions necessarily reflect what the people involved actually want.
Amatonormativity can also shape how we think about our own relationships. A friendship that feels incredibly important may seem as though it needs another label to explain its closeness. Or we may worry that caring deeply about a friend somehow means there must be romantic feelings underneath it.
But there are many ways to build a meaningful life, and romantic partnership does not have to be the measure of how valuable a relationship is. Friendships and other platonic relationships can hold just as much love and value, if not more.
A close friendship does not have to be perfect and ideal all the time. There may be periods when one person needs more support, when life gets busy for one or both, or when you naturally spend less time together.
That said, some general signs that show you may have a healthy platonic relationship are as follows:
There can still be misunderstandings, disagreements, anger, and moments of hurt. It’s important to remember that healthy does not mean conflict-free. It is more about whether both people generally feel respected and able to be themselves within the relationship and how they navigate the rough patches together.
Even close friendships can become complicated for various reasons. Feelings can change, life circumstances can shift, and something may suddenly leave you wondering where the relationship stands.
Some common situations that can arise specifically in close platonic relationships include:
None of these situations automatically mean that a friendship is unhealthy. Sometimes, relationships simply change and need a little more honest communication.
Talking to a counsellor can help make sense of such sudden changes and complicated feelings, understand relationship patterns, and work through boundaries and communication challenges in a way that feels right for both of you.
Sometimes, you may care about someone deeply without being sure what kind of feelings you have for them. Emotional intimacy can exist in both platonic and romantic relationships, so the line is not always clear and can get quite blurry.
A quick self-check might help you make sense of what you are feeling:
You do not necessarily need to find an immediate answer. Feelings can be complicated, and sometimes giving yourself time to understand them is more helpful than trying to put a label on the relationship straight away.
And sometimes, the answer is simply that you love someone deeply as a friend. That can be enough.
Sometimes, talking to someone outside the friendship can make it easier to understand what is going on.
A counsellor may help you:
We’d like to remind you that you do not need to be in crisis or have a serious relationship problem to seek counselling. Sometimes, having a neutral space and a professional to help talk things through can simply help you understand yourself and your relationships a little better!
Platonic relationships are often much more than casual friendships. They can be a source of consistent support, deep affection, emotional intimacy, trust and companionship, and research continues to highlight how important close friendships can be for our wellbeing.
Platonic does not mean less meaningful. A relationship can be deeply loving and intimate without being romantic.
Close friendships can look different for everyone. There is no single way a platonic relationship has to look.
Healthy friendships need mutual care and respect. Clear boundaries, honest communication and space for each person’s other relationships are all necessary.
Feelings can change. Developing romantic feelings, experiencing jealousy or adjusting to a friend’s new relationship does not automatically mean something is wrong.
You do not have to label every feeling immediately. Sometimes, giving yourself time to understand what you want can be more helpful than rushing to define the relationship.
Ultimately, not every meaningful relationship needs to become romantic to have a lasting place in your life. Sometimes, a friend really can be one of your most important people, simply because you love and care for each other deeply.
If you are in crisis, or another person may be in danger, do not use this site. Please refer to these resources instead.
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