Honesty with Your Therapist: 3 Ways It Can Transform Your Therapy Sessions

Whether it’s out of fear, embarrassment, shame, or guilt, many clients hesitate to be completely open with their therapist.  

Research from 2018 found that nearly 84% of people have concealed personal truths, like having suicidal thoughts.   

However, TYHO therapists are trained to provide compassion and build the foundation of trust even when clients aren’t fully transparent.  

Once the trust is established, the therapeutic experience can deepen.   

That’s why it’s helpful to understand how honesty with your therapist can truly transform your sessions.  

Introduction to TYHO

TYHO provides in-person and online therapy in Singapore. Our platform connects clients to vetted and experienced Psychotherapists, Psychologists, and Counsellors in Singapore. We refer to all our mental health professionals collectively as "Therapists", given the overlap in their scopes of practice. A majority of our Therapists are members of recognised bodies such as the Singapore Association for Counselling (SAC) and the Singapore Psychological Society (SPS). If you'd like help with selecting someone suitable, WhatsApp us at +65 9831 0005 or email us at [email protected].

Should I Tell My Therapist Everything?

You do not need to share everything with your therapist all at once; therapy is a space where you can share at your own pace.

But you don’t need to share everything immediately. It’s normal to take time to feel comfortable.   

Initially, your therapist may focus on building rapport and gaining a radical understanding of your personality and problems.   

As you start to feel safe, you can gradually share details about yourself to increase the effectiveness of therapy.  

If opening up still feels uncomfortable, talk to your therapist or Singapore counsellor. Together, you can explore any feelings of shame or guilt in a safe and supportive way, and decide what you feel ready to share.

Common Reasons You May Lie to Your Therapist

People often withhold or modify information in therapy out of fear of judgment, shame, guilt, or embarrassment. 

1) Fear of Judgement

We may lie during therapy for the same reasons we lie to our loved ones – to avoid judgment or criticism. 

For example, a client who struggles with self-harm may hesitate to open up, worried that their experiences might not be fully understood or accepted. The client may feel invalidated, humiliated, and fearful of sharing their intrusive thoughts if such is the case.  

Lying during therapy can also happen because you may have felt judged in your relationships, in academia, or the workplace.  

Maybe you were not provided the space in your family to feel your emotions. Perhaps your parents criticised you for talking about your distress.  

These experiences of judgment can surface during counselling services and affect our honesty.  

2) Shame, Guilt, or Embarrassment

Shame may sometimes make it difficult to engage fully in therapy, especially if it’s due to childhood bullying or feeling constrained by family expectations.

Embarrassment may occur when you believe your experiences are ‘bad’ or something is ‘off’ about your reactions or feelings.

Guilt can arise after actions that feel harmful to yourself or others. For example, the habit of binge eating after a bad day at work can lead to self-blame. 

You might notice that after engaging in behaviors like binge eating, feelings of guilt or self-criticism may make it harder to share these experiences in therapy. Recognizing these patterns can help you explore them safely with a therapist. 

3) Feeling Like Your Experiences Are Isolating

If you think your experiences are unique, you may hesitate to share them with others, including a therapist.

For example, mental health issues like depression or stress can feel deeply isolating. Symptoms of these issues look different in everyone and may thus become ‘invisible’. 

Thoughts like, “Nobody can understand what goes on in my head” can make it harder to open up.  

Feeling isolated may prevent you from being honest, and not talking about your issue can make you feel isolated. This is a painful cycle to be stuck in. In such cases, a professional psychologist may be able to help you. 

3 Reasons to Be Honest With Your Therapist

Being honest with your Singapore therapist can not only improve your therapy experience but also help you reach goals at your own pace.

Below are 3 benefits of opening up: 

1) Improves the Quality of Therapy Sessions

You have already made an honest and vulnerable statement by letting your therapist know about your fear of opening up.  

Exploring your thoughts and feelings at your own pace may allow you to gain new insights and perspectives on your experiences.

Your honesty can even help break through any plateaus during therapy (ie not progressing). 

This new therapy door can: 

• Give you space to talk about issues you may have forgotten
• Help you set therapy goals and feel empowered
• Equip you with new and effective therapy skills
• Teach you how to gain a radical understanding of yourself and of the world
• Help you gain positive therapy outcomes 

2) Gives Your Therapist the Chance to Help You

Sharing your experiences, when you feel ready, can give your therapist the opportunity to check in and offer support.

During therapy sessions, your therapist may use guided conversations to slowly ease you into the topic.  

Asking for help is a powerful way to grow out of fear.  

By being honest, you tell yourself that you are: 

• Willing to seek help and improve your mental health
• Ready to tackle challenges
• Managing emotional overwhelm and exploring your emotions and experiences in a safe and supported way
• Looking forward to healing  

3) Helps You Face Your Fears and Reduces Anxiety

When you feel ready to share your experiences during counselling sessions, it can be a way to gently explore fears and difficult emotions.

Opening up can offer opportunities to better understand your anxiety, distress, or past experiences, and to explore ways to manage them.

Engaging with therapy at your own pace can help you make the most of the support available.

For example, the more honest you are, the better your therapist can understand what you’re going through and offer the right support.  

Every time you confront a fear, you build resilience.  

Building trust and openness with your therapist can help create a supportive therapeutic relationship and a space for ongoing healing. If you're in a relationship, working with a couples counsellor may also be helpful in making sure your anxiety does not affect your relationship.

How Being Honest Can Transform Your Therapy Sessions

For therapy to be transformational, it requires you to be upfront about your life.  

The therapist-client relationship is improved when you build honesty with your therapist.

Honesty -> Strong therapeutic alliance -> Better therapy outcomes 

But how do you improve the bond with your therapist?  

Your therapist will guide the process and collaborate with you to build trust and rapport.

From your side, however, you can focus on two points: 

1. Goal setting
2. Communication 

Firstly, when you and your therapist agree on your goals, it can improve satisfaction, and motivation to progress.  

Try to list down some common goals that you would like to achieve. Remember to set SMART goals (Specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-limited). 

Secondly, a key component of a strong therapeutic alliance is improving the bond between you and your therapist.  

When you feel ready, sharing your experiences and feelings can help your therapist understand you better. All your emotions are real and valid.  

Your openness can help your therapist establish a solid therapeutic foundation and relationship. 

Lastly, being honest can lead to developing a more personalised therapy approach.  

For example, conversations with your therapist may have helped you realise that while you feel comfortable discussing present problems, you struggle to recall your childhood experiences.  

By sharing this, your therapist can adjust their approach, maybe focusing on present experiences first and then moving towards talk therapy to explore the topic in depth when you are ready. 

What if You Don’t Feel Comfortable Opening Up to Your Therapist?

If you don’t feel comfortable opening up during therapy sessions, try: 

Grounding yourself: Take some time before therapy to settle your thoughts or prepare emotionally. Meditate or go for a short walk to clear your head. Tell yourself this mantra: “I may not enjoy opening up, but I am safe, and I trust the process.” 

Starting small: Talk about a minor issue that has been bugging you. For example, talk about a small argument with your mother (eg a situation when you were guilt-tripped). This is similar to ‘testing the waters’ – trying something small to see if it works out. If you begin to feel more comfortable, you may choose to explore more personal topics over time.

Referencing your experience: If you have seen or read something similar that you have experienced but are hesitant to talk about – you might share that reference during therapy. Read the reference content  and let your psychologist guide you to explore any thoughts or feelings it brings up.