Found that one person you want to annoy for the rest of your life? Congratulations, you’re getting married!
We’re sure of a few things: You’re busy planning the wedding, taste-testing the cakes, planning the flower arrangements, and so on.
Alongside all the planning, you may also be wondering if premarital counselling is something you should consider. You may:
No matter which category you fall into, we’re here to tell you that marriage counselling can be an effective way to create a strong foundation for your marriage.
And it’s not just for couples with problems – it’s for anyone who wants to better navigate this new chapter of their life.
In this blog, we explore things to talk about during premarital counselling, tools and techniques you may learn, and some of the common benefits of premarital counselling in Singapore.
Marriage is a pivotal step in life, and it’s only natural to feel a mix of emotions in the months leading up to the big day. Doubts, conflicts, anxiety and stress may all be visitors in your daily life.
While premarital counselling helps deal with such issues, it’s not just for couples facing conflict. It can often be proactive, not reactive – think of it as insurance for a healthy marriage!
During premarital counselling, you and your partner will work with a couples counsellor specialising in this area. Your therapeutic plan may involve both individual and couples sessions with your Singaporean counsellor.
Sessions may involve the following:
There are no right or wrong topics to discuss in therapy. If anything seems to be causing you distress, it’s best to open up about it.
In this section, we share nine common topics discussed in marriage counselling:
Have you considered some of the scenarios below?
Career goals and work-life balance are often challenging to talk about. One person could be career-driven, while the other could be family-driven.
In such cases, couples can easily judge each other or engage in unhealthy arguments.
In premarital counselling, you can explore areas such as:
Premarital counselling helps you think through these scenarios early so they don’t escalate into major conflicts later.
Money can be a sensitive topic – even between the closest of couples. But if you think, ‘We can just handle it later when there’s a conflict,’ chances are that you’re taking a risky move.
Premarital counselling exists to help you discuss sensitive issues in a safe and non-judgmental environment. You may learn how to talk openly about your finances, including:
Counselling services helps you align your financial values and build an effective plan that works for both of you.
Do you both want kids? If yes, how many? When? What age difference would you like your children to have?
These might sound like ‘big’ questions you’re not ready to explore. But it’s important to understand your needs before you get married.
If nothing else, premarital counselling helps you learn therapeutic tools to have these conversations later on.
Some things to talk about during premarital counselling include:
How do you plan to live after getting married? Would it be a nuclear family situation, or will you be living with in-laws?
If the former, what would your lifestyle choices look like? If the latter, how do you plan to improve the relationship with your in-laws?
There are a lot of questions to ask about living arrangements, and all of these can be discussed during premarital counselling.
Premarital counselling helps you explore unspoken expectations, such as one partner assuming they’ll live close to their parents or disagreements about renting vs buying.
How will your marriage play out if you and your partner move in together but are used to different religious practices?
If you choose to have children, whose religious practices will be followed? And how?
You can discuss these complex and sensitive topics during premarital counselling.
Your expectations around rituals, holidays, or habits can differ even if you share the same beliefs. Hence, talking to a therapist can help you:
Differences in household practices are one of the top reasons couples may fight.
Who does the dishes? How often? Who handles the bills?
These conversations may not sound romantic, but addressing them before getting married is necessary.
Uneven workloads or unrealistic expectations can often lead to:
One of the benefits of marriage counselling is gaining a clearer understanding of each other’s strengths and weaknesses, which can help you plan your household responsibilities in a way that feels fair and supportive.
Sex and emotional intimacy are deeply personal, and many may find it embarrassing to discuss. But that’s exactly why it’s important to address these during premarital counselling.
For a strong marriage, you may have to discuss your expectations around sexual needs, emotional connection, and physical affection.
For example, some people may prefer to open their marriage and engage in ethical non-monogamy. Some may not have the same sexual needs as their partner. How would you handle such differences?
During premarital counselling, you can:
Conflicts and difficulties are a natural part of life, and thus of marriage too.
But what if you could start your married life armed with a toolkit of relationship skills? That’s precisely what premarital counselling in Singapore can equip you with!
Below are some tools, skills, and strategies you may learn during premarital counselling in Singapore:
Your marriage counsellor can help you learn how to speak so your partner truly hears you, and how to listen without defensiveness.
Skills you may develop include active listening and managing tough conversations without shutting down reflexively or blowing up emotionally.
For example, if one partner shuts down during arguments while the other pushes for answers, it can create a negative interaction pattern.
Premarital counselling can instead help you recognise these patterns and teach you practical ways to communicate while still respecting each other.
Schedule regular check-ins, even just for 15 minutes a week. These check-ins are an exclusive couples time where you intentionally get to know each other better.
Use ‘I’ statements to communicate your feelings. This ensures that the conversation focuses on you and avoids blaming your partner (eg ‘I feel overwhelmed’ instead of ‘You never help’)
Practice active listening. This includes listening without interruption, reflecting on their conversation objectively, and asking questions to dig deeper into their thought process.
No marriage is immune to conflict. In fact, a strong marriage involves a lot of arguments. But the key is how you handle or resolve the conflict.
For example, do arguments spiral out of control, or do you know when to take a break and revisit the issue? If yes, that means you’re already in a healthy relationship.
If not, you’re not alone. Premarital counselling can help you learn effective conflict-resolution skills through approaches such as Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) and Gottman’s couples therapy.
During sessions, you may learn to:
Counselling equips you with healthy strategies to de-escalate arguments and move forward without resentment or lingering hard feelings.
Whether it’s about money, family obligations, or career changes, pre-marital counselling in Singapore can help you build skills to work through challenges together instead of falling into blame or avoidance.
Understanding your own emotional triggers (as well as your partner’s) can help you show up for each other with more empathy and patience, especially during stressful times.
Through pre-marital counselling in Singapore, you can also learn effective ways to manage and regulate your emotions.
During pre-marital counselling in Singapore, you may discuss individual and shared dreams, such as starting a family, career goals, and retirement plans, and how to align them realistically.
The short answer? It depends on your decision as a couple!
Premarital counselling is not a ‘necessity’ for entering into a marriage. The choice is entirely yours; it’s a personal and mutual choice between you and your partner.
That said, just because something is not mandatory doesn’t mean it’s not valuable.
Many couples may hesitate to explore premarital counselling due to stigma or the belief that ‘we don’t have any problems, so we don’t need therapy’.
However, counselling isn’t only for distress and crises. Premarital counselling is often most helpful to those already in strong, healthy relationships but wishing to further strengthen and future-proof their bonds.
Whether you’re newly engaged, planning a wedding, or simply discussing your future together, premarital counselling can be a safe space to build clarity, confidence, and emotional alignment before taking that lifelong step together.
Still unsure if it’s right for you? Join us in the following section as we explore the benefits of premarital counselling and the practical ways it helps couples.
We may all carry many unspoken beliefs, expectations and assumptions about our partners, relationship roles, or even marriage itself. These may have been shaped by culture, upbringing, society or past experiences.
Premarital counselling aids in bringing these to the surface, exploring misalignments, if any, understanding why they exist and discussing how to deal with them. It helps you step into marriage with more clarity and conscious understanding.
It’s easy to lose grip on one’s self-awareness in a relationship, especially when taking a massive step like marriage. Premarital counselling offers a safe space to explore your emotional triggers, attachment styles, and personal needs.
Your counsellor can also guide you in setting and respecting boundaries, which are key for individual well-being as well as a healthy relationship.
Important life decisions, such as those related to children, finances, intimacy, careers, and family obligations, can often be tricky to navigate.
Talking openly about such topics well before marriage helps you understand where each of you stands, avoid future disagreements and start your new chapter with clarity and confidence.
While differences are healthy and inevitable, shared values and beliefs provide the glue to a happy marriage.
For many, non-negotiables may include religion, family, children, and gender roles. In premarital counselling, you can discuss and align on such non-negotiables, thus creating a solid shared foundation for your marriage.
While love may be the most crucial ingredient for a marriage, emotional readiness is equally important.
Many couples may be pushed by conscious or unconscious pressure from peers, family or even each other.
Remember that each couple is different, and it’s not ideal to rush into marriage due to any kind of pressure. Premarital counselling gives you space to remove yourself from the pressure of such factors, check in with yourself and your partner, and make a decision that feels right for you.
‘I believe in love. I think it just hits you and pulls the rug out from underneath you and, like a baby, demands your attention every minute of the day.’ – Jodi Picoult.
And you may have to care for your marriage like you would care for a baby.
Premarital counselling helps you do just that. You can talk about issues like financial disagreements, communication in marriage, and differences in sexual needs. There are no off-limits topics!
Studies show that couples who undergo pre-marital counselling in Singapore report higher levels of marital satisfaction, better communication, and lower divorce rates than those who don’t.
Why? Because they’ve already learned how to talk through tough topics, navigate differences, and support each other through change, long before those challenges arise.
Talk to one of our expert premarital counsellors in Singapore today. Remember, the goal isn’t to be perfect, it’s to be prepared!
If you are in crisis, or another person may be in danger, do not use this site. Please refer to these resources instead.
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