Recent research reveals that the average person spends nearly 147 minutes daily on social media platforms.
We all tend to spend a lot of time online, and this engagement makes us acutely conscious of others’ activities. Due to this online exposure, many social media users deal with peer pressure and FOMO – the Fear of Missing Out. But what is the meaning of peer pressure and FOMO?
Peer pressure is a common phenomenon that stems from our fundamental need as social creatures to be accepted by others around us.
Meanwhile, FOMO is the anxiety that arises when we believe others might be having rewarding experiences from which we are absent.
The digital age exacerbates these kinds of social challenges. Every ping from our devices can trigger a rush of anxiety. A nagging thought that perhaps we are missing something important or exciting.
However, it might come as a surprise to many to know that peer pressure and FOMO are not modern-day phenomena. People have been experiencing it forever.
This article aims to define peer pressure and FOMO, and explore how they manifest in our lives. Are there signs that tell us we are experiencing this? Is managing FOMO and handling peer pressure easy? What are some coping strategies for peer pressure, FOMO and loneliness? We explore all this and more in the following sections.
Peer pressure refers to the influence of those in a person’s peer group. It occurs when one feels that they must do similar things as others in their peer group, in order to gain their acceptance. These are things that they would not have done otherwise.
The term ‘peer’ typically refers to one’s friend. However, peers may include anyone with a similar social group, status, age, or ability. We tend to assume that peer pressure applies to youths, but it can affect anyone, including children and adults.
Peer pressure can catch us by surprise. Not a particularly comfortable situation, as you might imagine. There are many ways of handling peer pressure. Below are six coping strategies:
The first step to managing peer pressure is to recognise when it’s happening. Keep the signs in mind. Ask yourself:
Understanding your boundaries about the situation at hand can be helpful.
Where would you draw the line? What are you okay with and not okay with? Are these negotiable? What morals or values do these boundaries stem from?
Be clear about them. This will help guide you in making a logical, informed decision when faced with peer pressure.
More often than not, we agree to do something even though we are not comfortable with it. A common reason is that we are afraid to say no to others, wanting to be liked or fearing confrontation.
Saying no is an important and useful skill to have in life. Know that if you are not comfortable explaining, the word ‘no’ alone is a complete sentence.
Learning more about assertive communication is very helpful here. The more you practise, the easier it’ll get. It’s possible to remain friends with someone who does things you don’t like, without you having to change for them.
Another option is to limit your exposure to negative peer influence. 'Stay away from people who pressure you into making decisions that incur negative consequences for yourself or others. Spend less time with them where you can.
In some cases, negative peer pressure comes from people we are unable to avoid entirely, such as schoolmates or colleagues. In such cases, limit your interactions as much as you can.
You do not need to be friends with everyone. Neither do you need to be liked by everyone. There will always be people out there who share your values.
Instead, spend time with individuals who respect your boundaries. Better yet, if you can spend more time with individuals who foster positive behaviours!
This could be people who speak up against bullying others, volunteer groups, study groups, religious groups, or even sports teams. Of course, they could also be friends or family members whom you trust.
Peer pressure often succeeds because of strength in numbers. We usually don’t want to be the odd one out, so we give in when pressured by a group. In such uncomfortable situations, we can feel very alone.
Remember that there will always be someone who would be willing to support us, even if they are not physically present in that moment. They may be schoolmates, teachers, colleagues, supervisors, or religious leaders. They could even be random strangers who stand up for what is right.
It’s normal to feel lost and confused. If you are unsure of how to even bring up the topic, professional therapy can bridge the gap by offering a safe and confidential space for you to share your concerns.
Another social challenge many face is the fear of missing out (FOMO). FOMO is a type of anxiety where we tend to overthink or become anxious, thinking that we’re missing out on something important or fun that others are experiencing.
Don’t we always think the grass is greener on the other side? That is FOMO at its simplest.
FOMO can take several forms, such as:
For example, if you doomscroll on Instagram and find out that your friend is on vacation or dining at a Japanese restaurant, you might feel left out.
Your current experience of eating at home may feel less interesting than your friend’s post. Hence, the comparison could lead to anxious thoughts.
The psychology of FOMO is quite interesting.
Human beings have an intrinsic need to belong to a community or a person. We seek hope, love, and meaning in communities and social interactions.
Our social needs are the main reason we celebrate Friendship Day, Valentine's Day, and other social events.
However, when these social needs are not met, we may develop FOMO, peer pressure, social anxiety, and loneliness.
More interestingly, our need for a community actually has a history, where belonging to a huge group meant survival.
Similarly, when we feel lonely, our brain thinks of our sadness as a potential threat. The human brain constantly works to prevent us from getting into ‘trouble’.
Hence, isolation or simply feeling left out could trigger our ‘fight or flight’ response. (ie controlling the situation or running away from the situation).
Moreover, feeling left out at times is absolutely normal and a common experience. The problem comes up when you consistently feel FOMO for a long period of time.
Low self-esteem
Depression
Anxiety
Loneliness
Social isolation
Chronic stress
Less life satisfaction
Experiencing FOMO, loneliness, or peer pressure is not uncommon. Often, underlying dissatisfaction with life can lead us to seek comfort in social media. However, increased engagement online can paradoxically intensify these feelings.
Here are some strategies to help manage FOMO and cope with loneliness:
Therapists may use therapeutic approaches such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) or dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT) to help you shift your focus from what you’re missing out on to what you already have.
For example, you can use tools such as cognitive reframing.
If you think, ‘My friend is on vacation, and I’m missing out’, -> Try changing your thoughts to, ‘I’m with my family right now, and I’m enjoying spending time watching movies and being cosy.’
You can replace the before and after dialogues with the specific situation you are going through. The idea is to replace your anxious thoughts with facts.
You can also try to arrange and filter your online environment. To do so, unfollow all the accounts that trigger you and stick to accounts that provide information or awareness.
Maintain a gratitude journal. Focusing on what you have can help you shift your perspective. However, sometimes, it can be hard to think about what we have when we can see what we’re missing.
Hence, allot a time daily to write one thing you’re grateful for in your life. Your entries can help you when you are feeling left out or overwhelmed.
Digital detox is a technique where you take a complete break from spending time online. A digital detox could include:
Taking a digital detox can depend on your preferences and outcomes. If you prefer to spend all day without any screen time, uninstalling apps can be more helpful.
On the other hand, if you simply want to declutter and make your online space more comfortable, you can remove all the apps you don’t need and organise your space.
Below are some tips that can help you during digital detox:
Taking a successful digital detox depends on balance. Try not to cut everything off if it’s your first time. Take it slow, and you will eventually feel more relaxed and even look forward to your detox days!
Journaling is a very common hobby that a lot of people engage in. It can take several forms, such as:
When you start journaling, you will begin to spend less time on special media and spend more time:
Writing down your thoughts can also help you confront and acknowledge them. If you have FOMO about something, or are dealing with peer pressure or loneliness, write it down. Research shows that giving your thoughts a physical form (ie words) can help overcome anxious thoughts.
Over time, you will also learn to identify your triggers and find ways to overcome peer pressure, FOMO and loneliness.
You can practise gratitude even when you journal or take digital detox days.
Firstly, you can start this technique by identifying and acknowledging your thoughts and feelings of FOMO, peer pressure or loneliness. Tell yourself it’s okay to want to hang out with everyone or go on vacation. Validate your need to socialise.
Secondly, write down what you’re grateful for daily. Simply listing just one small thing can be extremely helpful.
For example, you can write that you are grateful to be with your family, you are grateful that you have friends who understand you, and so on.
You can also call a friend, spend time with yourself, do self-care activities, and practise self-compassion during this method.
Peer pressure refers to the negative influence of peers, which can lead individuals to do things they wouldn’t normally do to gain acceptance.
Peer pressure and FOMO can affect anyone, not just youths, and include friends and those of similar social groups, status, age, or ability.
Peer pressure is often perceived negatively, associated with behaviours like skipping school, underage drinking, smoking, bullying, and other risky behaviours. However, it can also be positive and encourage better academic performance and healthy habits.
FOMO is a persistent sense of anxiety that others are having more rewarding and fun experiences than us. This feeling could lead to intense stress and dissatisfaction with ourselves and our lives.
However, managing FOMO and peer pressure is definitely possible. You can do this by seeking professional mental health support and using certain self-care strategies.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by peer pressure or FOMO, consider reaching out to a professional therapist who can offer evidence-based tools to help manage these feelings.
If you are in crisis, or another person may be in danger, do not use this site. Please refer to these resources instead.
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