Going Through a Breakup? Here’s Why Talking to a Counsellor Might Help
Last Updated on April 22, 2025 by Prath
Reviewed by April Justice, LICSW
- Published on 22 April 2025
Did you know that the emotional pain of breakups activates the same regions of your brain as physical pain?
It’s no wonder that a relationship ending can leave you feeling disoriented, anxious and emotionally drained.
Even when breakups are mutual or expected, they can still stir up difficult emotions, affecting many areas of your life, such as self-esteem, daily routine and overall mental health.
The impact of breakups can often be overwhelming to handle on your own. Remember that help is just a tap away – counsellors can offer empathetic, non-judgmental support, clarity and guidance that you need to heal from your breakup.
Our blog starts by dissecting why breakups feel overwhelming, and goes on to explore different ways in which a counsellor can help you process and heal from them. We end by taking a brief look at the common question ‘How long does it take to get over someone?’ and offering helpful self-care tips for coping with breakups.
This Article Contains:
Why Do Breakups Feel Overwhelming?
Breakups are more than just the end of a relationship; they also represent the loss of shared dreams, routines and emotional stability.
They often cause a sudden shift in many areas of your life, and thus, the ensuing emotional disorientation can be intense.
In fact, as we saw at the beginning of the blog, research shows that breakups cause emotional pain that activates the same areas of the brain as physical pain, particularly your cingulate cortex and the insula. That’s why breakups quite literally hurt and cause physical symptoms like fatigue, loss of appetite, headaches, or difficulty sleeping.
Emotionally, you may find yourself cycling through a mix of emotions, ranging from sadness, confusion and nostalgia, to guilt, anger and relief. These feelings can be hard to manage, especially alongside other commitments such as work, school or familial expectations.
In today’s digital world, it can be all the more difficult to process and heal from a breakup. Social media reminders, mutual friends, or coming across other couples’ content can be triggering and reopen wounds.
But once again, we’re here to remind you that you don’t have to navigate this difficult phase alone – counsellors can help you through it, step by step, using proven techniques and professional support.
How Does a Counsellor Help in Coping with Breakups?
A breakup can feel like a storm of emotions, and sometimes talking to friends and family isn’t enough. This is where counsellors come in – they’re trained to guide you in coping with breakups by providing a safe, non-judgmental space to deal with your feelings and emotions.
Let’s take a deeper look at how counsellors can support your healing process:
1) Learning to Validate & Process Emotions
As we saw earlier, breakups cause a whirlwind of emotions, including the following:
- Sadness – at the good things you lost
- Anger – at the unfairness of the situation or the other person’s actions
- Relief – that a toxic relationship/difficult period has come to an end
- Guilt – for not trying harder
- Confusion – on whether you made the right decision
- Anxiety – at the prospect of the future
A professional therapist can help you unpack, understand and process these emotions in a healthy manner instead of pushing them away or suppressing them.
Emotions can be difficult to deal with, and thus, pushing them aside may feel easier in the moment. But remind yourself that processing them is crucial for long-term, sustainable healing.
2) Developing Coping Mechanisms
Apart from emotions, the impact of breakups can manifest in various ways, such as disturbed sleep patterns, gut issues, or a lack of motivation.
Counsellors work with you to build personalised coping strategies and techniques tailored to your situation – eg grounding exercises, journaling, behavioural techniques, etc.
Below are some tools that your counsellor may use to help you in coping with breakups:
- Cognitive restructuring: Helps you challenge and reframe negative thought patterns, eg ‘I’m never going to be able to move on’ → ‘Breakups may be painful but they’re not permanent’.
- Mindfulness techniques: Help deal with rumination and overwhelm by teaching you to sit with difficult emotions. Techniques include the 5-4-3-2-1 method, body scans and deep breathing.
- Value reorientation: Helps find your way back to your authentic values through questions like ‘Who am I outside of this relationship?’, ‘What do I want from future relationships/partners?’.
3) Fostering Understanding & Acceptance
When a relationship ends, it’s natural to replay events in your mind, searching for clarity or closure.
A counsellor can help you explore your experiences more objectively, identify patterns and come to terms with the end of the relationship at a pace that feels right to you.
4) Rebuilding Self-Esteem & Confidence
Breakups can leave your confidence feeling shaky, especially if rejection, infidelity, trust issues or other difficult dynamics were involved.
Through supportive conversations and proven techniques, counsellors help guide you in not just coping with breakups but also in rebuilding your self-worth, strengthening your identity and boosting self-confidence step by step.
5) Gaining Perspective & Confidence to Move on
Going back to normal life after a breakup may feel jarring.
This is why counselling for breakups isn’t just about processing the past; it’s equally about preparing for the future.
A therapist can aid you in reflecting on your past relationship, while clarifying what you seek in future relationships, helping you move forward with greater emotional awareness and resilience.
How Long Does it Take to Get Over Someone?
The short answer is that there is no timeline when it comes to getting over someone, moving on from a relationship or healing from a breakup.
Some people start to feel better in a few weeks, while others may take a few months or even longer. Factors like the length and intensity of your relationship, how it ended and how you’re coping with the breakup can all affect how long the healing process may take.
A 2007 study found that 71% of the participants experienced significant emotional improvement approximately 11 weeks after a breakup.
However, it’s important to remember that healing is deeply personal and isn’t always linear. What’s important is that you take the steps to prioritise your mental wellness and give yourself time to grieve, reflect and move on at your own pace.
With the professional support of a counsellor, you can navigate breakups with more clarity, confidence and much-needed resources.
7 Self-Care Tips for Coping with Breakups
Breakups can leave you feeling emotionally drained, so prioritising self-care isn’t just helpful, it’s necessary.
While healing isn’t linear and takes time, the following small intentional acts of self-care can go a long way in helping you feel better:
1) Let Yourself Feel without Judgement
Just like you practise sitting with your emotions in therapy, remember to do so outside of therapy as well.
Give yourself space to cry, vent, journal or just be – letting the emotions and memories wash over you as you ride the wave.
Keep reminding yourself that every emotion is valid and that they’re healthy ways of processing change.
2) Create and Stick to a Basic Routine
Especially during the initial days after a breakup, you may not have the physical energy or the emotional bandwidth to return to a full-fledged routine.
Build a simple routine that can keep you grounded and help you regain stability. Give yourself easy and doable checkpoints like getting out of bed, showering, eating three meals daily, and getting minimal movement.
3) Set Boundaries with Your Ex
It’s okay and sometimes essential to mute, unfollow, block or take space from your ex post-breakup.
Constant contact even after a mutual breakup can be confusing and derail you from moving on. Creating distance gives your heart the time and space to grieve and move forward.
4) Make Time to Reconnect with Yourself
Rediscover old hobbies, try something new or spend time doing things that bring you joy. It’s all the better if these are things that you didn’t do with your ex.
Reconnecting with yourself and your identity outside of the relationship is an important part of coping with breakups and healing from them.
5) Reach Out to Friends & Family
Remember to spend time with people whom you trust. The emotional support of those you love is key to your healing journey.
However, it can be beneficial to take space from mutual friends (with your ex) or friends you made together, for a while.
6) Prioritise Your Physical Health Too
Caught in the emotional storm of a breakup, it may be difficult to find time for your physical health.
Remind yourself that your physical health is important, and do the bare minimum – eat three meals a day and get 7-8 hours of sleep.
Gradually build a more sustainable routine, one that includes physical activity (be it walking, jogging, workouts, or yoga) and meditation.
7) Practice Techniques & Tools You Learn in Therapy
Therapy can’t exist in isolation; it works best when incorporated into your daily life.
Make it a point to actively practise the tools and techniques you learn in therapy.
Over time, the combination of therapy and self-care can help you heal and move on from your breakup at your own pace.
Conclusion
Remember that healing takes time and that there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to the question ‘How long does it take to get over someone?’.
What matters is that you give yourself all the time and space you need, and treat yourself with kindness, self-compassion and understanding.
If you’re struggling to cope with a breakup, speaking to a counsellor can be a helpful step towards healing.
You deserve to heal gently, at your own pace and with the right support – talk to a TYHO Therapist today.
