- Published on 22 May 2025
Ever felt like therapy works for everyone else, except for you?
Maybe you’re thinking that your problems are too hard to fix, or perhaps you’ve tried opening up before, but all your issues seem trivial when you’re actually sitting on the therapy couch.
Your feelings could be more common than you realise. People often wonder if they’re ‘doing therapy wrong’ – and let’s be honest here, the process itself may not be wrong, but you might be missing some important steps that could contribute to your overall progress and growth.
After all, happiness and resilience are skills that can be cultivated. And all it takes to make it work is knowing whether you’re talking to the right therapist and showing up in a way that helps therapy do its job.
Ahead, we’ll walk through what makes therapy effective from both sides of the couch.
This Article Contains:
Do Therapy Approaches Actually Work?
Yes, therapy does work. And research spanning from 2009 to 2025 confirms its effectiveness.
Counselling techniques have become more scientific and evidence-based, with decades of research indicating how certain approaches, like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), are helpful for anxiety, borderline personality disorder, and so on.
But here’s the catch: The exact therapeutic approach isn’t as important as the belief that it will help.
A model was developed by Jerome Frank called the ‘common factors model’. Frank suggested that therapy works best when both the therapist and the client believe in the approach being used.
What further adds to the effectiveness of therapy is having a strong and healthy relationship with the mental health professional.
Hence, the key to making therapy work involves a holistic approach and mutual effort from the client and the therapist. Your belief, combined with the backing of science, can make profound changes in your life and mental well-being.
3 Counselling Skills Therapists Use to Make Therapy Work
Have you ever been to a hot pot gathering? One person might bring the broth, and the other might bring all the raw ingredients. It’s the combination of both that makes for a great, wholesome feast.
In some ways, going to therapy is like going to a hot pot event. You bring your lived experiences to the table, while your therapist brings a toolkit of clinical skills, which is the ‘broth’ that helps you create the life you want to live.
But just like with a hot pot, having the ingredients alone isn’t enough. You both need to agree on how to combine them to create something meaningful.
In this section, let’s focus on the therapist’s role and the skills they use to make therapy work.
1) Listening and Communication Skills
Good therapists in Singapore will use the following listening skills during sessions:
- Focus entirely on what the client is sharing without interrupting the conversation
- Summarise the information shared by the client in an objective and neutral way
- Share reflections on the information without missing any key details or adding judgments
- Work actively on indicating the right body language and emotional expressions during the conversation
- Remain comfortable with silence and allow space for clients to process their thoughts
Similarly, good verbal communication skills are also essential to make therapy work. For example, a therapist who successfully uses these skills may say statements like, ‘I understand what you’re saying’ or ‘I can see that you’re struggling with this issue.’
Verbal communication skills include:
- Using appropriate language based on the situation and information discussed
- Being in tune with what’s being said and about whom (ie knowing the context well in advance)
- Recognising the duration and depth of the information said and encouraging clients to open up more or take breaks, depending on the situation
- Using less confrontational and more engaging ways of speech
2) Reflection Skills
Reflection is a complex skill. Therapists who make therapy work have considerable reflection skills to communicate with the clients that they are striving to understand and that the pace of therapy is going in the right direction.
Some of the essential reflection skills in therapy include the following:
- Reflect and rephrase the therapist’s version of the client’s story
- Use declarative statements when the therapist is sure of the context (eg ‘You’re not overreacting. This situation genuinely hurt you.’)
- Keep reflections concise and thorough
- Focus on the core aspect of the entire conversation and not drift away from it
- Accept feedback and corrections from the client on what they’ve said or reflected on
- Interrupt a client’s conversation with a reflection only when the therapist genuinely feels like the reflection helps the client in a positive and unbiased way
- Use reflection skills to encourage the client to be honest and open about their problems
3) Helping Skills
Helping skills in therapy help form an effective and ongoing dialogue between the therapist and the client. These are also referred to as microskills.
Some of the essential microskills therapists may use include:
- Asking open-ended questions to help the client elaborate on their internal frames of reference (ie makes sense of the client’s own experiences from their point of view)
- Being aware of ‘big emotions‘ that the clients may be experiencing and showing that they are in tune with the client (ie empathic attunement)
- Interpreting the meaning behind what the client says on a surface level
- Using directive counselling skills to help the clients set realistic and achievable goals in their personal, relational and professional lives
3 Ways To Make Therapy Work As a Client
Now, let’s look into what you, as a client, can do to make therapy work.
1) View Therapy As Collaboration
Therapy is not a spectator sport. Imagine being on the ground, playing the game, and actively contributing towards winning – that’s how therapy should feel.
Once you’re in a therapy session, your path to achieving your goals is a team effort. While your therapist may guide you, you must travel to the desired location.
How do you show up as a collaborative client? Here’s what you can do:
- Share what you want from therapy honestly. You may not know how to set expectations right away, so try not to limit yourself to goals that ‘seem’ okay to have.
- Share feedback as and when required. For example, if focusing too much on past events doesn’t work out for you, bring it up during sessions. You can say something like, ‘I prefer focusing on my work issue right now rather than exploring my past trauma.’
- Take control of the pace and direction of sessions. Your therapist may ask, ‘What would you like to talk about today?’ this question indicates that you’re an active collaborator. Use this opportunity to focus on aspects that matter most to you.
2) Be Honest During Therapy Sessions
You can talk about whatever you want during therapy.
People may hesitate to share certain aspects of their lives due to the fear of judgment. Sometimes, you may be unsure if the topic is even ‘allowed’ to talk about.
However, there are no off-topic discussions during therapy in Singapore. You can bring up anything that’s making your life difficult. However, remember that honesty and boundary-setting go hand in hand.
If you or the therapist feel uncomfortable with a discussion, it’s okay to pause and reflect. With open dialogue, your therapist may find a middle ground and steer the conversation in a direction that makes both of you feel comfortable.
If you’re not sure how to be honest, below are some dialogues you can use:
- ‘I’m scared to talk about this. Could I perhaps send a text of what I’m thinking?’
- ‘I don’t think I’m ready to change this aspect of my life. But I also feel like it’s holding me back. What do I do?’
- ‘This exercise/approach makes me feel too anxious. Can we explore an alternative?’
📝 Reflection Prompt:
What’s one thing you haven’t said in therapy yet because it feels too vulnerable? What would help you feel safer saying it?
3) Apply Therapy Skills in Real Life
It’s tempting to keep therapy in the therapy room. After all, ‘real life’ is where it gets too difficult to handle, and you may find it a safer option to practice therapy skills in a controlled environment.
But here’s what you may need to remember:
Real growth happens when you start taking what you’ve learned and testing it in everyday life.
If you’re unsure how to implement the skills, ask your therapist about actionable ways to take therapy ‘outside’.
For example, therapists may give you exercises, homework, activities, or resources to look up in your free time. Following the professional’s guidance is one way to apply the skills outside of sessions.
Below are some tips on applying therapeutic skills to your real life:
- Pick one easy and small skill each week and focus on it for a few minutes daily. Maybe it’s using ‘I statements’ in a conversation or taking a 10-minute walk every morning.
- Track all your habits and skills. Whenever you use a skill, remember to note it down with your reflections. Write about how you felt before, during, and after using the particular skill.
- Take your reflections back to therapy and bring up the skills that didn’t work for you or were too hard to use.
Frequently Asked Questions
1) What makes therapy effective?
Below are some simple things that make therapy effective:
- A strong belief that the therapeutic approach will work
- A healthy relationship with the therapist
- Clear and realistic goals and a timeline for achieving them
- Willingness to practice therapy skills during sessions and in real life
- Being proactive and honest during sessions
2) What are 4 things that can happen in therapy?
A lot of things can happen during therapy. For example:
- Your relationships may become healthier
- You may become more assertive at work
- You may learn skills to manage or reduce work-related stress
- Issues like low self-esteem or low confidence can be addressed
- You may find joy and happiness in life
- You may reduce symptoms of depression or anxiety
The things that can happen may depend on your therapy goals. Hence, it’s important to have clarity on what you want to work on and what you want your life to look like after seeking professional support.
3) Does therapy work if you are self-aware?
Yes, therapy works even if you’re self-aware.
Many self-aware people may also struggle with problems such as:
- Overthinking
- Performative vulnerability
- High self-expectations
- Difficulty asking for help
Therapists in Singapore can help you make better sense of your thinking patterns, even if you’re self-aware.
4) Does therapy change the way you think?
Yes. In many cases, therapy helps change negative thought patterns and replace them with helpful ones (a technique often used in CBT).
The new and positive way of thinking can change how you:
- Relate to the world
- Build and maintain relationships with others
- Approach difficulties and stress in life
- Make the best out of life possible
Conclusion
So, what makes therapy actually work?
It’s not a magic pill. Not a secret solution. But therapy works when there’s consistent effort and mutual collaboration.
It’s about having an honest discussion with someone who understands you (even when it’s awkward) and actually implementing skills in real life.
Book a session with one of our expert Singaporean Therapists if you’re ready to start your journey. Trust us, therapy really does work!
