Cheating in a relationship can be a heartbreaking experience. We all dread the harsh reality of this experience, which is probably all too familiar. Perhaps we have witnessed it in our parents, friends, or past relationships.
Unfortunately, many people ask, “Is my boyfriend cheating?” or “How do I tell if my boyfriend is cheating on me?” and struggle to find answers. The uncertainty, anxiety, and confusion that come with these suspicions can be overwhelming.
Hence, in this article, we will go over the signs of cheating in a relationship and learn what to do if you suspect infidelity. Additionally, we will answer some commonly asked questions to help you gain clarity and peace of mind.
What Are the First Signs of Cheating?
Infidelity is a word that sends shivers down the spine of many individuals in a relationship. It refers to the act of being unfaithful to one’s partner and is a major cause of heartbreak, mistrust, and tension in relationships.
People cheat for various reasons. Some of these include a lack of emotional or physical connection, a lack of excitement or adventure, and a general dissatisfaction in the relationship. When it comes to cheating, the signs can be subtle or glaringly obvious. Either way, you should not ignore them.
Some of the earliest signs of cheating may include changes in behaviour, such as suddenly being more distant or secretive or showing less interest in physical intimacy. These signs may seem innocent initially, but when they become consistent, it is time to have an honest conversation with your partner.
Rather than worrying if your boyfriend is cheating on you, it is always better to address the issue early before the damage is irreparable.
How to Tell if My Boyfriend Is Cheating On Me?
In this section, we will discuss some red flags or signs that could indicate that your boyfriend might be cheating. We will also explore why placing some confidence in your partner is important and how to approach the situation with care and empathy. Although these points focus on infidelity in a boyfriend, it is still relevant to people of all genders.
Your Gut Feeling
Red Flag: As much as we do not want to believe it, sometimes our gut tells us that something is not quite right in our relationship. Even though it is not proof of cheating, that feeling of unease can be hard to shake.
For many people, the initial indication of cheating is a feeling that something is amiss. In this case, you may subconsciously note other subtle signs of infidelity that may have contributed to your gut feeling.
Benefit of doubt: While your intuition may tell you something is off; it could be wrong. So, how do you tell the difference? Perhaps your partner is dealing with stress at work, causing them to act differently. Have you tried talking to them about it?
What to do: If your gut feeling persists, it can often be more right than wrong. If you have a hunch that something fishy is going on, pay attention to other signs that could confirm or disprove your suspicion. Try to avoid being confrontational or accusatory. Instead, express your concerns and let your partner know that the relationship is not meeting your needs.
Mood Swings
Red Flag: If you have been wondering, “Is my boyfriend cheating on me?” Here are some signs to look out for. If you notice that your partner is getting irritated with you, even for the most minor things, it could be a sign that they are cheating.
They become defensive and nervous when you inquire about their recent activities. They might be taking out their frustration on you, or they might be pushing you away.
Benefit of doubt: Of course, there could be other reasons why your partner is easily irritated. Maybe they are worried about something going on in their life. They could also be planning a surprise for a special occasion and trying to keep it a secret. Before jumping to conclusions, it can help to have an honest discussion with your partner about what is going on and how you can support each other.
What to do: If your first thought about their mood swings is, “I think my boyfriend is cheating on me,” then it is better to process that thought. To do this, you can gather more information by paying attention to your boyfriend’s behaviours. Then, approach the topic calmly and non-judgmentally, share your feelings, listen to their perspective, and see if they have a reasonable explanation for their mood swings.
Emotional Distance
Red Flag: In a relationship, it can be hard to tell if your partner feels distant or detached. However, emotional distance can be a concerning sign. Studies have shown that dissatisfaction with the relationship is often a predictor of infidelity. Emotional distance could manifest as a lack of affection or attention. They may longer show interest in what you do or confide in you about their feelings.
Consequently, if you notice that your partner is no longer getting emotional fulfilment from your time together, chances are that they might seek it elsewhere.
Benefit of doubt: When you start noticing some of the warning signs of cheating, it is better to take a step back and consider other possible explanations for their behaviour. For example, maybe your partner is feeling stressed and has to deal with a few issues with their family members.
What to do: If you believe their emotional distance is due to them cheating in the relationship, it is a good idea to try restoring that lost connection with them. Set aside time to discuss these changes and your feelings for each other. Ask open-ended questions about their behaviours. For example, “I have noticed you seem distant lately, is everything okay?” or “Is there anything going on that you want to talk about?”
Listen to their response and pay attention to their body language to determine the next steps for your relationship. Whether seeking therapy or confronting them, it is crucial to prioritise your emotional wellbeing.
Your Friends and Family Notice a Change
Red Flag: If your friends notice something wrong with your relationship dynamic, it could be worth paying attention to their concerns. Your partner may be displaying behaviours that are out of character or acting more suspicious than usual around them.
Cheaters often experience feelings of guilt. As a way to justify their actions to themselves, they may try to make their partner look bad. Some may even try to start fights or create a hostile environment to achieve this.
Benefit of doubt: Perhaps your boyfriend feels uncomfortable around some of your friends for personal reasons, or you might not have the complete picture of what is happening.
What to do: Do you still think you are in an unhealthy situation? That your boyfriend is cheating in the relationship? If that is the case, try to ask your partner about the behaviour your friends have noticed and see if they have an explanation. You can also talk to your friends and get more details about their observations. If nothing works, consider seeking advice from a professional counsellor to help you work through these issues.
Over-attention
Red Flag: If your partner is suddenly more attentive than usual, like showering you with affection, gifts, and flattery, it could be a sign of cheating or that something is amiss. Over-attentiveness can sometimes be a cover-up for guilt, an attempt to distract you from suspicions, or an effort to make up for poor behaviour.
Benefit of doubt: Your partner may be just trying to be more loving. If you have had recent struggles in the relationship, they may want to patch things up between the two of you.
What to do: If you are feeling uneasy about sudden attention, try having an open conversation with your partner. Let them know that you appreciate their affection, but it makes you a little uncertain of what is going on. You can also pay attention to other potential warning signs, such as a change in routine or unusual behaviour.
Technology Changes
Red Flag: In today’s digital age, cheating has become easier due to the widespread availability of technology. A common sign to look out for is when your boyfriend starts being overly sensitive with their electronic devices. For example, they might have a second phone or email account you know nothing about. It could be a red flag if they start taking calls in private and seem defensive when you get close to their gadgets.
Benefit of doubt: Your boyfriend might prefer to have privacy over what he does and who he contacts, and there is nothing wrong with that.
What to do: While it is natural to feel curious, snooping is a breach of trust that could damage your relationship. Instead, consider talking to your partner and expressing your concerns in a non-accusatory way. Ask them to show you the messages or explain why they are being secretive. If they are unwilling to be transparent, it may be time to question their response.
Controlling Behaviour
Red Flag: If your partner is suddenly more controlling and suspicious, it could signify cheating in a relationship. For example, they might start insisting on knowing your whereabouts all the time, checking your phone or social media accounts, or forbidding you from spending time with certain friends.
Benefit of doubt: Take a minute and consider that there could be other reasons for these behaviours, such as trust issues or anxiety. It might help to communicate and share your feelings with them.
What to do: If your partner’s behaviour is truly suspicious, you may need to take action. Firstly, try to set boundaries around what you will and will not tolerate in the relationship. When your partner exhibits controlling behaviour, it can feel suffocating and abusive and may be a sign of potential danger.
If you are feeling scared or unsure of what to do, help is available. You can contact The National Anti-Violence Helpline (NAVH) at 1800-777-0000 for confidential support and resources to keep you safe.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is my boyfriend cheating in our long-distance relationship?
If you are in a long-distance relationship and suspect that your boyfriend may be cheating, it is understandable to feel worried and uncertain about what to do. So here are some points to consider:
Try to pay attention to changes in their behaviour, such as becoming less communicative or less interested in talking with you. It could be an indication of cheating if they seem distant or preoccupied when you speak.
Another red flag is if they suddenly start avoiding specific topics or become defensive when you ask about their day. Again, this could indicate that they are hiding something from you.
Of course, it is important to remember that not all changes in behaviour mean that they are cheating. They could simply be dealing with stress or personal issues that they are not ready to share with you yet.
If you still have doubts or concerns, it may be helpful to seek advice from a trusted friend or family member or even consider speaking with a therapist. Ultimately, the best way to know if your boyfriend is cheating is to have a conversation with them and to trust your instincts.
What is considered cheating?
The answer may vary depending on each person’s values and expectations in a relationship. However, in general, cheating is any behaviour that breaks the trust and commitment you have made to your partner. This can include physical infidelity, such as kissing or having sex with someone else, and emotional cheating, like forming a deep emotional connection with someone outside the relationship.
Try to have an open and straightforward conversation with your partner about what both of you consider cheating to be. This can help you establish boundaries and expectations that work for both of you.
How do I build trust again if my boyfriend is cheating?
Trusting your partner can take time, but it is essential to building a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Here are some suggestions to help you build trust with your partner:
- Communicate openly: Communication is vital in any relationship, and it is especially significant when it comes to building trust. Talk to your partner about your worries and let them know how you feel.
- Be honest: Honesty is the basis of trust. So be honest with your partner about your thoughts and feelings and encourage them to do the same.
- Set boundaries: It is important to set boundaries and expectations for your relationship. This will help you both understand what is and is not acceptable behaviour.
- Be reliable: Stick to your promises and be reliable. This will show your partner that they can count on you.
- Give it time: If you have experienced cheating in a relationship, it cannot be easy to cope with and trust someone. Building trust takes time. It might help to be patient with yourself and your partner as you work to strengthen your relationship.
Trust is something that is built over time through consistent actions and behaviours. Following these tips can build a strong foundation of trust with your partner.
What causes a man to cheat?
It is difficult to pinpoint one single reason why a man might cheat, as every situation is unique. We urge you to ask yourself: “Is my boyfriend cheating?” If you immediately answered yes, you should explore where your reply came from and why it is causing you stress.
All things considered, some common causes of infidelity in men include:
- feeling emotionally or physically neglected in the relationship;
- seeking validation or a sense of power; or
- being influenced by external factors such as peer pressure or a stressful work environment.
The person who cheats is always responsible for their actions. It is a choice that the cheater makes, and it is up to them to take responsibility for their actions. However, if you are worried about your boyfriend cheating or have experienced infidelity in the past, you might want to try couples counselling.
Our professional counsellors at Talk Your Heart Out (TYHO) can help you work through your emotions and establish healthy boundaries in your relationship.
When to break up with your boyfriend?
Breaking up with someone is never easy, and it can be challenging if it is someone you care about deeply. These are a few things to keep in mind while making this decision:
Are your needs being met?
Relationships involve communication and compromise, and both partners should feel that their needs are being met. However, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship if you feel like you are constantly compromising or that your partner is not meeting your needs.
Is there mutual respect?
Respect is a crucial component of any healthy relationship. If your partner does not show you the respect you deserve, it is a clear red flag that things are not working out.
Therapists often come across worries like, “my boyfriend is cheating on me; what should I do?” from several people stuck in a difficult situation. However, change does not come from just one person. Instead, the people in the relationship should make equal efforts to resolve issues.
Are you happy?
This may be a simple question, but it is important. If you are unhappy with your partner, it is doubtful that you will be able to sustain it long-term. Especially if you are looking for signs your boyfriend is cheating or wondering how to find out if there is cheating in your relationship.
Have you tried to work on the relationship?
If you have issues in your relationship, consider working through them before breaking up. This may mean seeking the help of a therapist, communicating more effectively with your partner, or making compromises.
If you feel trapped with questions like, “How do I find out if my boyfriend is cheating” or “Is my boyfriend cheating?” then it is a concerning sign. Ultimately, the decision to break up with your boyfriend is a personal one that only you can make.
However, if you do decide to end the relationship, remember that it is okay to put yourself first and prioritise your happiness and wellbeing.
When can working with a therapist help?
Working with a therapist can be a helpful step in the healing process and provide you with the support you need.
Here are some situations in which working with a therapist can be especially beneficial:
- You are struggling to trust your partner again. If your boyfriend cheats on you, it cannot be easy to trust him again. A therapist can help you work through your feelings and develop strategies to rebuild trust.
- You are dealing with feelings of anger or resentment. Infidelity can create intense feelings of anger or resentment. A therapist can help you work through these emotions and develop healthy ways to express them.
- You are struggling with low self-esteem. Being cheated on can make you feel like you’re not good enough or that there’s something wrong with you. A therapist can help you build your self-esteem and develop a more positive self-image.
- You are facing symptoms of depression or anxiety. A therapist can help you manage these symptoms and develop coping strategies.
There is no “correct” way to cope with being cheated on, and everyone’s journey is different. Do not hesitate to seek help if you need it. Healing takes time, but you do not have to go through it alone!
