9 Things to Talk About During Premarital Counselling
Last Updated on May 27, 2025 by Prath
Reviewed by April Justice, LICSW
- Published on 27 May 2025
Found that one person you want to annoy for the rest of your life? Congratulations — you’re getting married!
We’re sure of one thing: You’re busy planning the wedding, taste-testing the cakes, planning the flower arrangements, and so on.
While it’s lovely to be best prepared for the big day, did you know you may have to consider some things for after the wedding?
One such thing includes premarital counselling.
Regardless of whether you’ve been together for years or have recently gotten engaged, premarital counselling can be an effective way to create the foundation of marriage.
And it’s not just for couples with problems – it’s for anyone who wants to better navigate the new chapter of their life.
In this guide, we’ll walk you through what premarital counselling is and how to prepare for it. We will also share nine big topics that are often discussed during sessions.
What is Premarital Counselling?
Premarital counselling is a type of psychotherapy that helps couples prepare for marriage. Marriage therapists may guide your sessions and work on addressing common issues that you may face.
The goal is to strengthen your connection, understand each other’s needs and lifestyle, and learn to co-live happily together.
In sessions, you can talk about any topic that’s causing you distress. This could be a financial disagreement or a difference in parenting style. Seeking counselling is also a great intervention to set marriage expectations (eg who’s taking care of the kids and who’s handling the main source of income?)
How to Prepare for Premarital Counselling
Communicating your feelings to your partner can be scary, let alone talking to a stranger about both of your thoughts together.
It’s understandable to fear the process of therapy. After all, nobody wants to reveal their vulnerability.
However, premarital counselling is a safe space for you to:
- Learn to let go of fears that may be holding you back from truly knowing your partner
- Understand and cater to each other’s preferences
- Explore your deepest desires individually and as a couple
- Set realistic couple goals and learn skills to sustain them
Here are a few steps to help you prepare for premarital counselling:
- Reflect individually: Think about what you want out of sessions. Are there topics you’re nervous talking about? What does your ideal marriage look like? Write down your reflections in separate journals, and remember to bring them to your first therapy session.
- Talk to your partner: Share your reflections with your partner and identify the ones that are common. Understanding each other’s issues can help create a collaborative mindset even before you talk to a therapist.
- Be open: Counselling works best when both you and your partner are honest during the session. It may be hard to open up immediately. However, even if you’re hesitating to be honest, bring it up to your marriage therapist and let them know what’s holding you back. Remember, communication is key to solving conflict.
It’s okay if you don’t have all the answers right now. What matters most is that you’re willing to show up to sessions – consistently and intentionally.
Your marriage therapist will take care of the rest!
9 Topics Discussed in Premarital Counselling
There are no right or wrong topics to discuss in therapy. If anything seems to be causing you distress, it’s best to open up about it.
In this section, we share nine common topics discussed in premarital counselling.
1) Communication in Marriage
Have you ever felt like you and your partner are talking in completely different languages? This difference is the most common issue addressed in premarital counselling and for a good reason.
‘The great enemy of communication, we find, is the illusion of it.’
– William H. Whyte
How you talk (and listen) to each other sets the tone for everything else in your marriage.
Communication in a marriage could mean:
- Knowing how to bring up difficult topics
- Listening without interrupting and for the sake of understanding (not replying)
- Managing emotions before, during, and after a conflict
- Making each other feel seen and understood
For example, if one partner shuts down during arguments while the other pushes for answers, it can create a negative interaction pattern.
Premarital counselling can instead help you recognise these patterns and teach you effective ways to communicate while still respecting each other.
How can couples improve communication before marriage?
- Schedule regular check-ins, even just for 15 minutes a week. These check-ins are an exclusive couples time where you intentionally get to know each other better.
- Use ‘I’ statements to communicate your feelings. This ensures that the conversation focuses on you and avoids blaming your partner (eg ‘I feel overwhelmed’ instead of ‘You never help’)
- Practice active listening. This includes listening without interruption, reflecting back on their conversation objectively, and asking questions to dig deeper into their thought process.
2) Career
Have you considered some of the scenarios below?
What happens if one of you gets a dream job overseas?
What if one partner wants to stay home with the kids while the other believes both of you should work to provide a good life for everyone?
Career goals and work-life balance are often difficult to talk about. One person could be career-driven, while the other could be family-driven.
In such cases, couples can easily judge each other or engage in unhealthy arguments.
In premarital counselling, you can explore areas such as:
- How do you support each other’s ambitions and goals?
- How do you find the middle ground if a conflict exists between your values?
- What happens if one partner earns more than the other?
- Are both of you okay with long hours or irregular work schedules?
- What if work stress or anxiety creeps into the relationship dynamic?
Premarital counselling helps you think through these scenarios early so they don’t escalate into major conflicts later.
3) Financial Disagreements
Money can be a sensitive topic – even between the closest of couples. But if you think, ‘We can just handle it later when there’s a conflict, ’ chances are that you’re taking a risky move.
Premarital counselling exists to help you discuss sensitive issues in a safe and non-judgmental environment. You may learn how to talk openly about your finances. This includes:
- Spending habits
- Debt
- Financial habits like saving or investing
- Joint vs. separate accounts
Let’s assume you enjoy spending lavishly while your partner prefers budgeting. In this case, what if you decide to go on a trip? A fancy restaurant? The mismatch in your financial ideals can lead to conflict if not addressed in a calm and healthy way.
Counselling helps you align financial values and helps you build an effective plan that works for both of you.
4) Children and Parenting
Do you both want kids? If yes, how many? When? What age difference would you like your children to have?
These might sound like ‘big’ questions you’re not ready to explore. But it’s important to understand your needs before you marry your partner.
If nothing else, premarital counselling helps you learn therapeutic tools to have these conversations later on.
Parenting is one of the biggest lifestyle changes anyone can experience. After all, it’s not just about what you want anymore – it’s also about what’s best for your entire family.
Counselling can help you explore:
- Your beliefs around discipline and education
- How involved do you want your extended family to be
- Potential challenges like fertility issues or adoption
5) Living Arrangements
How do you plan to live after getting married? Would it be a nuclear family situation, or will you be living with in-laws?
If the former, what would your lifestyle choices look like? If the latter, how do you plan to improve the relationship with your in-laws?
There are a lot of questions to ask about living arrangements, and all of these can be discussed during premarital counselling.
You may start with questions like:
- Where will we live?
- What happens if we need to move for work or family?
- How do we share space without stepping on each other’s toes?
Premarital counselling helps you explore unspoken expectations, such as one partner assuming they’ll live close to their parents or disagreements about renting vs buying.
What red flags should be addressed before marriage?
It’s normal to have disagreements in a marriage. However, if these differences are used to hurt each other in a harmful way, it can quickly turn into a red flag.
Below are some common red flags that should be addressed before marriage:
- Avoiding serious conversations or shutting down during conflict
- Major differences in values (eg parenting, money, religion)
- Lack of respect or emotional safety
- Dishonesty or secrecy
- Narcissistic patterns in interaction
6) Religious Practices
How will your marriage play out if you and your partner are used to different religious practices?
If you choose to have children, whose religious practices will be followed? And how?
You can discuss these complex and sensitive topics during premarital counselling.
Your expectations around rituals, holidays, or habits can differ even if you share the same beliefs. Hence, talking to a therapist can help you:
- Decide on which traditions to follow
- Find a middle ground to engage in both religious practices equally
- Raise children in a particular faith
7) Household Responsibilities
Differences in household practices are one of the top reasons couples may fight.
Who does the dishes? How often? Who handles the bills?
These conversations may not sound romantic, but addressing them before getting married is necessary.
Uneven workloads or unrealistic expectations can often lead to:
- Resentment
- Hatred
- Feeling unloved
- Mood swings
Through premarital counselling, you can create an intervention to understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses and plan your household chores based on it.
8) Conflict Resolution
No marriage is immune to conflict. In fact, a strong marriage involves a lot of arguments. But the key depends on how you handle or resolve the conflict.
For example, do arguments spiral out of control, or do you know when to take a break and revisit the issue? If yes, that means you’re already in a healthy relationship.
If not, you’re not alone. Premarital counselling can help you learn effective conflict-resolution skills through approaches such as emotionally focused therapy and Gottman’s couples therapy.
During sessions, you may learn to:
- Identify triggers that lead to arguments
- Have healthy arguments
- Use humour or other tools to reduce the tension (when appropriate)
- Resolve conflicts in a healthy way
9) Sex and Intimacy
Lastly, let’s talk about sex. Or emotional intimacy.
Both of these topics are deeply personal, and some may even find it embarrassing to discuss. But that’s exactly why it’s important to address during premarital counselling.
For a strong marriage, you may have to discuss your expectations around sexual needs, emotional connection, and physical affection.
For example, some people may prefer to open their marriage and engage in ethical non-monogamy. Some may not have the same sexual needs as their partner. How would you handle such differences?
During premarital counselling, you can:
- Understand each other’s needs and boundaries
- Talk openly about past experiences or insecurities
- Navigate changes in desire over time
Key Takeaways
‘I believe in love. I think it just hits you and pulls the rug out from underneath you and, like a baby, demands your attention every minute of the day.’ – Jodi Picoult.
And you may have to care for your marriage like you would care for a baby.
Premarital counselling helps you do just that. You can talk about issues like financial disagreements, communication in marriage, and differences in sexual needs. There are no off-limits topics!
Talk to one of our expert premarital counsellors in Singapore today.
Remember, the goal isn’t to be perfect – it’s to be prepared!
