Honesty with Your Therapist: 3 Ways It Can Transform Your Therapy Sessions
Last Updated on January 20, 2025 by Prath
Reviewed by April Justice, LICSW
- Published on 20 January 2025
Whether it’s out of fear, embarrassment, shame, or guilt, many clients hesitate to be completely open with their therapist.
Research from 2018 found that nearly 84% of people have concealed personal truths, like having suicidal thoughts.
However, therapists are trained to provide compassion and build the foundation of trust even when clients aren’t fully transparent.
Once the trust is established, the therapeutic experience can deepen.
That’s why it’s important to understand how being honest can truly transform your therapy sessions.
This Article Contains:
Should I Tell My Therapist Everything?
The short answer is yes; you should tell your therapist everything.
But you don’t need to share everything immediately. It’s normal to take time to feel comfortable.
Initially, your therapist may focus on building rapport and gaining a radical understanding of your personality and problems.
As you start to feel safe, you can gradually share details about yourself to increase the effectiveness of therapy.
Tip: Write down key points about your issues (eg self-esteem or loneliness). You can work on one issue for several sessions before moving on to the next. This approach helps you manage feelings of vulnerability and allows you to set the pace of therapy.
If opening up still feels uncomfortable, talk to your therapist. Together, you can explore any feelings of shame or guilt that may be keeping you from being fully honest.
Common Reasons You May Lie to Your Therapist
People often lie in therapy out of fear of judgment, shame, guilt, or embarrassment.
1. Fear of Judgement
We may lie during therapy for the same reasons we lie to our loved ones – to avoid judgment or criticism.
For example, a client who struggles with self-harm may hesitate to open up due to the fear that the therapist may not believe them. The client may feel invalidated, humiliated, and fearful of sharing their intrusive thoughts if such is the case.
Lying during therapy can also happen because you may have felt judged in your relationships, in academia, or the workplace.
Maybe you were not provided the space in your family to feel your emotions. Perhaps your parents criticised you for talking about your distress.
These experiences of judgment can surface during therapy sessions and affect our honesty.
2. Shame, Guilt, or Embarrassment
Shame can make us feel detached from therapy, especially if it’s due to childhood events like bullying or strict parenting.
Embarrassment may occur when you believe your experiences are ‘bad’ or something is inherently ‘wrong’ with you.
Guilt usually manifests itself when you engage in destructive behaviours. For example, the habit of binge eating after a bad day at work can lead to self-blame.
Theoretically, you may be aware that bingeing food could be self-destructive. Hence, after you engage in the behaviour, the guilt of knowing that you did something harmful to yourself may prevent you from opening up about it.
3. Feeling Like Your Experiences Are Isolating
If you think your issues are unique, you may avoid discussing them.
For example, mental health issues like depression or stress can feel deeply isolating. Symptoms of these issues look different in everyone and may thus become ‘invisible’.
Depressive thoughts like, “Nobody can understand what goes on in my head” can make it harder to open up.
Feeling isolated may prevent you from being honest, and not talking about your issue can make you feel isolated. This is a painful cycle to be stuck in.
What if I feel these emotions during therapy?
As scary as it may be, all these emotions are valid. You are not alone. If you identify the above emotions in yourself, it is important to talk to your therapist. Consider sending a text message about your feelings if talking about them feels overwhelming.
Here’s a prompt to help you initiate the discussion. Say: “I’m having a hard time being honest during therapy sessions. I feel ___ and would like to explore the emotion.”
3 Reasons to Be Honest With Your Therapist
Being honest with your therapist can not only improve your therapy experience but also help you reach your goals faster.
Below are 3 benefits of opening up:
1. Improves the Quality of Therapy Sessions
You have already made an honest and vulnerable statement by letting your therapist know about your fear of opening up.
Vulnerability in therapy can help you open new doors and explore problems with a deeper understanding.
Your honesty can even help break through any plateaus during therapy (ie not progressing).
This new therapy door can:
- Give you space to talk about issues you may have forgotten
- Help you feel empowered
- Equip you with new and effective therapy skills
- Teach you how to gain a radical understanding of yourself and of the world
- Help you gain positive therapy outcomes
2. Gives Your Therapist the Chance to Help You
Tip to open up during therapy: “I can’t talk about an issue right now, but I’m ready to try opening up with your support.”
Making a statement like the above should allow your therapist to check in and help you.
During therapy sessions, your therapist may use guided conversations to slowly ease you into the topic and explore areas that may stand in the way of honesty.
Asking for help is a powerful way to grow out of fear.
By being honest, you tell yourself that you are:
- Willing to seek help and improve your mental health
- Ready to tackle challenges
- Ready to face your feelings and move on from negative experiences
- Looking forward to healing
3. Helps You Face Your Fears and Reduces Anxiety
You are already facing your fears when you open up during therapy.
It’s like peeling off a bandage – you know it will sting, but you can see the wound healing once it’s off.
On the other side of the fear, there is immense possibility to reduce your anxiety, overcome distress, and heal from trauma.
Remember that the more effort you put into therapy, the more you will get out of it.
For example, the more honest you are, the better your therapist can understand what you’re going through and offer the right support.
Every time you confront a fear, you build resilience.
Ultimately, your honesty in therapy will lead to a stronger therapist-client relationship and allow for profound healing.
How Being Honest Can Transform Your Therapy Sessions
For therapy to be transformational, it requires you to be upfront about your life.
The therapist-client relationship is improved when you prioritise honesty during therapy.
Honesty -> Strong therapeutic alliance -> Better therapy outcomes
But how do you improve the bond with your therapist?
Firstly, know that your therapist will take control of this aspect and work together with you to build rapport.
From your side, however, you can focus on three points:
- Goal setting
- Communication
Firstly, when you and your therapist agree on your goals, it can improve outcomes, satisfaction, and motivation to progress.
Try to list down some common goals that you would like to achieve. Remember to set SMART goals (Specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-limited).
Some common therapy goals are:
- Improving work-life balance and healing from burnout
- Building skills to manage and reduce panic attacks or anxious thoughts
- Increasing emotional intimacy with a romantic partner to have open conversations and overcome conflicts
- Developing assertiveness to feel confident in social situations
Secondly, a key component of a strong therapeutic alliance is improving the bond between you and your therapist.
To do so, try to be communicative about your life experiences and feelings. Remember that all your emotions are real and valid.
Your openness can help your therapist establish a solid therapeutic foundation and relationship.
Lastly, being honest can lead to developing a more personalised therapy approach.
For example, deep conversations with your therapist may have helped you realise that while you feel comfortable discussing present problems, you struggle to recall your childhood experiences.
By sharing this, your therapist can adjust their approach, maybe focusing on hypnosis first and then moving towards talk therapy to explore the topic in depth when you are ready.
What if You Don’t Feel Comfortable Opening Up to Your Therapist?
If you don’t feel comfortable opening up during therapy sessions, try:
Grounding yourself: Take some time before therapy to mentally prepare yourself. Meditate or go for a short walk to clear your head. Tell yourself this mantra: “I may not enjoy opening up, but I am safe, and I trust the process.”
Starting small: Talk about a minor issue that has been bugging you. For example, talk about a small argument with your mother. This is similar to ‘testing the waters’ – trying something small to see if it works out. Once you find out that you feel safe, move on to slightly more sensitive topics.
Referencing your experience: If you have seen or read something similar that you have experienced but are hesitant to talk about – try to bring in that reference during therapy. Read the reference content out loud and let your therapist guide you towards a deeper conversation.
Conclusion
Therapy explores the grittiest parts of our lives – so it is common for clients to avoid being honest due to the pain of their experiences. Therapists understand this feeling and will provide the space and time for you to get comfortable.
When you struggle to be honest, think about why you started therapy. Was it to improve the quality of life? Or accepting yourself for who you are?
Remind yourself that being honest can improve the quality of therapy sessions, provide you with personalised coping skills, help you overcome fear and anxiety, and lead you towards positive and successful therapy outcomes.
