Couples Therapy: 6 Myths That Might Be Holding You Back
Last Updated on March 27, 2025 by Prath
Reviewed by April Justice, LICSW
- Published on 27 March 2025
Are you in a relationship? Or, looking to get into one? If yes, what would your first reaction be if we suggested you seek couples therapy in Singapore?
Some people may feel relieved by the idea. Others may feel uneasy and defensive (Like “What is wrong with my relationship?”). Some may even feel open or excited, although that’s less common. All feelings are valid.
After all, talking to a couples therapist can be intimidating. What if it causes a rift? What if we can’t even protect whatever bond we have right now?
Premonitions like this occur because we are wired for human connection – and our innate need to protect that connection makes us vulnerable to analysis paralysis.
A lot of misconceptions can hold couples back from seeking help. That’s why we’re here to bust some myths and hope to make the world of relationship counselling a little less scary.
This Article Contains:
Myth 1: “Couples Therapy is Just for Failing Relationships”
The reality of couples therapy is quite simple: It’s for anyone who’s in a relationship, regardless of how strong or weak the bond may be.
Think of it this way… If a sleeve on your shirt is torn, would you still wear it? You probably wouldn’t. A small tear may get worse over time. So you’d stitch it early.
The same goes for relationships. Why wait until things completely fall apart before you seek couples counselling?
Couples have several reasons for going to therapy. It’s true that sometimes partners may be on the verge of breaking up and may not have thought of professional help until then. However, some couples even meet with a therapist to ensure a respectful and safe breakup.
Couples therapy in Singapore can be beneficial at any stage of any relationship. Everyone has something to improve on, like:
- Communication skills
- Conflict-resolution skills
- Navigating how to date someone who has depression
- Time management or balancing work and relationships
Myth 2: “We’re Not a Real Couple if We Need Couples Therapy”
You are a real couple if you need couples therapy. You are also a real couple if you don’t need couples therapy.
The mutual decision to seek help merely shows your desire to keep your bond alive.
Talking to a couples therapist means that you are putting in real effort to navigate:
- Family dynamics
- Finances
- Work-life balance
- Raising children (or choosing to go child-free)
- Making big life decisions such as buying a house or moving in together
- Taking care of each other’s elderly parents (ie caregiving)
So, not only does it take a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to raise a relationship. In fact, it’s important that relationships do not exist in isolation.
It Takes a Village to Raise a Relationship
Let’s look at the trajectory of a happy relationship:
You meet someone -> you spend time with them -> you fall in love. For the first few months of the relationship, it’s just the two of you trying to learn more about each other. Eventually, when you’re sure about everything, you introduce your partner to friends, family, and perhaps even relatives. Now, it has become a ‘serious relationship.’
At this point, if problems arise, you may turn to your loved ones to seek advice. If your friends or family care about your partner as much as they care about you, they may help you make sense of the situation and provide a fresh perspective. You build a support system.
Moreover, your loved ones are usually the first people to protect you if they notice signs of an abusive relationship. Think about how many times you may have helped your friends from narcissistic partners.
This is what it means to raise a relationship – with personal and professional help from the people around you.
Myth 3: “The Relationship Therapist Will Take Sides”
The relationship therapist does not take sides – they are the unbiased third party.
It’s tempting to assume that the therapist may act as a referee, and whatever side they’re on ‘wins’.
But as we know, therapy is not a game of proving a point or winning. It’s an ongoing process of unlearning, dissecting our beliefs, and learning to build a strong relationship together.
Ironically, we imagine that a game analogy might help put things in perspective:
The best couples therapist in Singapore will ensure you and your partner are on the same team. Same goal. And equip the same winning strategies.
Your ‘opponent’ could be a variety of issues, such as:
- Miscommunication
- Misunderstandings
- Conflicts
- External life stressors
Your therapist has a view of the entire field (ie your relationship). The therapist can identify aspects and patterns of your relationship that may not be in your field of vision.
In this therapy space, you can feel understood and validated, resolve conflicts, and strengthen your relationship.
Note: If you are stuck in an abusive relationship or in danger of harm from your partner or yourself, your therapist may be legally obliged to call your emergency contact or provide crisis interventions.
Myth 4: “Couples Counselling is New and Just a Fad”
Couples counselling dates back to the 1920s and 1930s, so it is not new, nor is it a fad.
The purpose of any type of counselling is ultimately to help individuals create sustainable change.
In fact, research also shows that nearly 70-90% of couples benefit significantly from therapy. During sessions, you and your partner may learn scientific tools to:
- Improve communication skills
- Resolve arguments and conflicts in a healthy way
- Understand each other better
- Develop your emotional and physical intimacy
The tools you learn during couples counselling are transferred to you via great care and intend to make you self-reliant and capable of handling any future issues.
You may typically have to attend 12-14 weekly sessions to see real and lasting changes in yourself and your relationships. The duration and intensity of couples therapy also make for solid proof that it cannot be a fad.
Myth 5: “One Couples Counselling Session Will Fix Everything”
A single 1-hour session may not change the trajectory of your relationship. Perhaps 20 sessions could. Some may even need 30 weekly sessions.
But a single session can’t fix everything.
The reality is that couples therapy is more of a marathon. Some couples may have to run a 5k, while others could benefit from 10k. Like a marathon, couples therapy cannot be fast. It’s more about endurance and consistent effort from you, your partner, and the therapist.
The timeline for making progress may depend on:
- The specific issue you’re looking to address
- Commitment of you and your partner
- Frequency of your sessions
- Willingness to work on your relationship outside sessions
Like how running a marathon takes hard work before (ie preparation) and after (ie recovery) the event, so does your relationship.
Your couples therapist may assign therapy homework, activities, or tasks that you may have to do independently or together with your partner.
The progress you make in therapy is a culmination of your efforts within and outside it.
Myth 6: “Couples Therapy Just Won’t Work For Our Issues”
Couples therapy can work for all types of relationship issues.
You may feel isolated and sceptical now, but seeking professional support can provide clarity and a solid roadmap for fixing your relationship.
That said, couples therapy is not a magic fix.
Have you ever sat for an exam without preparing for it and hoped you’d still score full marks? Many of us have. But it shows us the reality that results are a direct product of effort.
Couples therapy works the same way. You may need to put in the effort for it to work.
Sometimes, it can also be hard to imagine what ‘putting in effort’ even looks like.
Maybe you grew up in a house of slamming doors and shouting voices. Perhaps you’ve never seen people communicate healthily.
Your couples therapist can help you create a clearer picture of healthy bonds. Therapeutic approaches such as EFT (emotionally focused therapy) have strong research backing to help people work through relationship trauma or negative childhood experiences.
Conclusion
In conclusion, couples counselling is valuable for every couple at any stage of their relationship.
If you are holding back due to some of the myths we’ve explored in this article, we hope you’ve now gained confidence and clarity on how counselling can help.
Remember that you don’t have to wait for things to worsen to seek support. Sometimes, talking to a relationship counsellor about your personal problems can also help strengthen your bond with your partner.
At TYHO, we have a diverse pool of Therapists who help with many different issues. You can talk to someone whether you are in a straight, queer, monogamous, or polygamous relationship.
You can start by scheduling an in-person or online couple therapy session. We provide in-person counselling in several locations across Singapore, including City Hall, Tanjong Pagar, and more.
Get started today. Therapy is for everyone. 💜
