Top 5 Reasons Why Relationships Struggle & How Therapy Helps
Last Updated on March 28, 2025 by Prath
Reviewed by April Justice, LICSW
- Published on 28 March 2025
Relationships sound simple, but why is it so hard?
Human beings do great things. We build global businesses, create stunning art, and write life-changing novels – yet we stall when it comes to maintaining relationships.
For example, if you argue with your partner, theoretically, you may know that the solution is to talk it out. Express yourself. Find a middle ground. Alas, something holds you back (eg fear or past experiences).
What is it about romantic relationships that make the most basic actions feel impossible?
The problem is that everyone knows what to do, but we rarely understand how to do it. We know honesty can clear misunderstandings, but how do we begin the conversation? What if the argument is on a sensitive topic such as finance or childbirth?
That’s where relationship therapists come in—to guide you on the how of it all. In this article, let’s look into the top 5 reasons you may struggle in a relationship and how couples counselling can help you overcome them.
This Article Contains:
5 Common Relationship Struggles & How Couples Therapy Helps
Relationship struggles are a leading cause of emotional distress. Research shows that stress due to conflicts with a partner is directly correlated to anxiety, depression, and addiction.
Interestingly, social media exposure also has significant effects on interpersonal relationships. With the world around us and our cultural views shifting rapidly, couples have higher expectations of each other.
Couples often also struggle to identify their own needs amid the pressures of online standards. This and other stressors like family pressure can make relationships complex.
Let’s explore what kind of issues couples struggle with and how a relationship therapist can help.
1) You Avoid Conflict & Arguments
It’s common to avoid conflicts when you’re dating. For example, giving your partner the silent treatment is much easier than doing the emotional labour of having difficult conversations.
You may let your annoyance get the best of you. Why should you be the one to give in? Why do you care more about them than they do?
However, if the habit of avoiding conflicts goes on for too long, eventually, both partners may stop caring altogether.
That said, initiating conversations can be hard. If you grew up watching your parents avoid resolving arguments, you may unconsciously learn to:
- Walk on eggshells in your relationship
- People-please and prioritise other’s needs above yours all the time
- Accommodate unhealthy behaviours from others
Problem: Instead of discussing your needs, you merely start tolerating your partner. You may feel a sense of resentment build up, which eventually turns into dislike, hatred, anger, or depression.
How Relationship Therapists Help
As you work with your relationship therapist, you will:
- Learn to identify and change destructive patterns such as stonewalling (ie refusing to have a conversation), defensiveness, or avoidance
- Identify any negative past experiences in your or your partner’s childhood that may be contributing to relationship issues
- Develop skills such as active listening through cognitive behavioural therapy to communicate effectively
Example: During a couples therapy session, your therapist may use circular questions (ie questions that help clients consider the relational aspects of the topic). Doing so can help you define the problem, frame responses, navigate the nuances of the conflict, and change your behaviour to benefit both you and your partner.
2) You Struggle to Communicate
If not having conflicts is an issue on one end of the spectrum, not knowing how to express feelings is on the other end.
For example, imagine your partner calling and saying you must make dinner today. They don’t ask, nor do they explain. The conversation upsets you.
Instead of calling your partner again and expressing your feelings, you actually make dinner. Later, you show your frustration by shouting, snapping over small things, and avoiding the real issue.
The lack of communication skills can:
- Hurt your own feelings
- Hurt your partner
- Hurt your relationship
Problem: Without expressing your feelings, you start feeling bad about yourself. Over time, the anger towards your partner may turn into feelings of hopelessness and low self-esteem.
How Relationship Therapists Help
Couples counselling in Singapore can be a great tool to improve your communication skills.
When you are angry or upset, it can be hard to pause and reflect on your feelings. By talking with a relationship counsellor, you and your partner can:
- Develop skills to express your feelings articulately
- Learn how to stop being defensive and listen actively to the other person
- Put yourself in your partner’s shoes
- View the issue from a different perspective
Example: Relationship therapists may use mentalisation-based treatment for couples (MBT-CO). Through this intervention, you may learn how to identify the problem, develop effective solutions, and improve closeness with your partner.
3) You Are Not Intimate
On the one hand, a byproduct of avoiding or having too many arguments is a lack of emotional intimacy.
For example, imagine you’ve recently had a conflict with your partner. Although you’ve moved on, your partner seems to be affected by the issue.
At this point, you may hope to hug or seek comfort from your partner, but they may prefer to be alone. This can make you feel lonely, hurt, and unloved.
On the other hand, a lack of emotional bonding may lead to physical intimacy issues.
You both may have different needs and desires around sex. For example, while your partner may be okay with having sex, even if you’ve recently had a conflict, you would prefer resolving the issue before engaging in physical intimacy.
Beyond conflicts, differences in sex drive or interest in polyamorous relationships can also create challenges. Not knowing how to navigate each other’s needs and preferences can lead to distress.
Problem: If you’re afraid to open up about your emotional and physical intimacy needs, you may start noticing a drift in your relationship. Lack of intimacy can make you feel lonely, unfulfilled, and craving for connection.
How Relationship Therapists Help
Relationship therapists may provide a safe space for couples to explore their intimacy issues.
During sessions, you can:
- Explore underlying issues such as post-traumatic stress or anxiety that may be preventing you from being emotionally close to your partner or vice versa
- Improve physical intimacy by addressing issues such as sexual dysfunction, differences in sexual needs, and preferences in physical closeness
Example: Couple counsellors may use a sensate focus from behavioural therapy. During this technique, you may learn how to reduce performance anxiety and improve communication skills – helping with both emotional and physical intimacy.
TYHO Therapists can help with relationship conflicts, infidelity, intimacy, marriage counselling, and more.
4) You Have Trust Issues
Feelings of distrust or insecurity can snowball into a variety of issues very quickly.
Sometimes, you may have trust issues without a clear reason. During such cases, your distrust could arise from:
- A lack of previous relationship experience
- Negative experiences in your past relationships
- Low self-worth in other areas of life, such as work
In other instances, you may have trust issues due to your partner’s actions or words. For example, maybe you’ve noticed several situations where your partner is acting suspiciously or not communicating clearly about where they are travelling.
Perhaps you’ve noticed changes in the way they interact with you. A sudden change in emotional or physical intimacy can also lead to trust issues.
Problem: If trust issues are personal, you may unintentionally hurt your partner for being aloof with them. If trust issues are connected to your partner, you may feel hurt, unloved, and betrayed.
How Relationship Therapists Help
Couples therapists use scientific methods such as building love maps and establishing shared meaning. These techniques are part of the Gottman method.
During sessions, you may learn how to:
- Give each other space to discuss why, when, and how the trust was broken
- Work on forgiveness and compassion
- Set boundaries to ensure that the rebuilt trust is long-lasting
- Openly express your love and admiration for each other to restore trust
Example: Your Couples counsellor may use love maps to restore trust. During this activity, you may answer and develop questions about several aspects of your and your partner’s life, such as, “What is my favourite way to be comforted.” The exchange of love maps can make you feel connected and rebuild trust.
5) Your Goals & Values are Different From Your Partner’s
The start of a relationship could be quicker than we realise. Perhaps you’ve never had the time to get to know your partner before things got serious. Or, you begin to notice several values that do not align with those of your partner.
For example, your partner may want to raise children while you’re more focused on your career and prefer to be child-free for the next few years.
There’s a big gap in both of your visions for the future, which may cause issues such as:
- Disagreements
- Anger management issues
- Difficulties handling family and societal pressure
Problem: You and your partner feel like you’re running in a different direction. You feel alone in your journey and your relationship. The differences reduce your bond and weaken your respect and trust in each other.
How Relationship Therapists Help
During relationship counselling, you may learn emotional regulation skills and value-setting.
Together, you and your partner can:
- Navigate conflict and interpersonal differences in a safe environment
- Acknowledge and accept your different and shared goals in life
- Support each other unconditionally
Example: The relationship therapist may use tools such as distress tolerance from dialectical behaviour therapy. Using this technique, you will learn how to regulate your emotions and handle differences effectively. Some specific strategies include self-soothing reflection and thinking of pros and cons.
Conclusion
Conflicts in relationships are normal. Everyone fights and disagrees.
What makes a relationship strong depends on your ability to love your partner through the myriad of conflicts you may face along the way. And this ability is something you can develop through strategic therapeutic technoques.
Couples may fight for a lot of reason, including but not limited to:
- Finances
- Intimacy
- Trust
However, couples counsellors are experts in providing high-quality support to help you navigate relationship struggles.
If you and your partner are ready to seek support, talk to one of TYHO’s expert relationship Therapists.
Remember, “A happy marriage (relationship) is a long conversation which always seems too short.”
