How to Get the Most Out of Therapy: 7 Tips for Your First Talk with a Therapist
Last Updated on January 22, 2025 by Prath
Reviewed by April Justice, LICSW
- Published on 20 January 2025
Most of us feel a myriad of emotions and yearn for a sense of belonging. Sometimes, we also get lost along the way of finding ourselves or improving our lives.
This journey of self-discovery is the heart of therapy – a process documented in all its intricacies in Lori Gottlieb’s ‘Maybe You Should Talk to Someone’.
The book got us wondering: what do we actually do in therapy?
People understand that everyone may need support. But we seldom talk about the mysterious one-hour session inside a room with a box of tissues—or, increasingly, during an online session.
Yes, the therapist is an expert in guiding therapy sessions. But you still have control over setting the tone, adjusting the pace, and steering the direction in the exact way you want.
Now, the question is: how much should I talk about? Will I get more out of therapy if I explore childhood issues or problems in my life right now? Is there anything such as a perfect therapy session?
If you’ve booked your session or are planning to, now’s the time to reflect on what you can do to get the most out of therapy in Singapore.
This Article Contains:
1. Reflect on What You Want
Why do you want therapy for mental health? Are you struggling with relationship issues, or maybe you want to regulate your mood?
Whatever the issue is, consider which type of therapy may be best for you.
For example, on the one hand, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is short-term and helps build confidence, reduce negative thoughts, and unlearn maladaptive behaviours.
Psychodynamic therapy, on the other hand, may help you explore deep-rooted issues that may be contributing to your unhealthy lifestyle (eg negative childhood experiences or trauma).
Think about:
- How you are feeling right now
- How do you want to feel eventually
- What do you want to address during therapy
Journalling or tracking your feelings and mood can also help you create a solid mindmap to talk with a therapist.
In fact, we recommend that you journal – not only before therapy – but in conjunction with therapy to help reduce stress and regulate your mood.
2. Have Realistic Expectations
Firstly, understand that therapy does not only help with symptom relief but also has an overarching goal of addressing root causes and establishing self-reliance.
For example, if your presenting problem is panic attacks, your therapist may help you reduce or eliminate the attacks. But they may also explore why you had those attacks in the first place and what you can do to deal with triggering situations in the future.
Secondly, therapy is like working out. Sometimes, we feel energetic and give our all, but other times, we just have to drag our feet to the gym.
Remember that you are pouring emotional labour into therapy sessions, and you may just not feel like going to therapy one day. That’s okay and normal.
Acknowledge your emotions and try to understand the reason. Do you not feel validated during therapy? Is it time to look for a different therapist? Or do you have a lot going on in life right now?
Whatever it is, try to have an open conversation with your therapist. Together, you may adjust the therapeutic approach to align with your needs or explore what may not be working for you.
Note: Although therapy can sometimes be tiring, you may feel better after venting out. Try social accountability to be consistent even when you don’t feel like joining the session.
Lastly, try not to expect your therapist to give you solutions or tell you what to do. Therapy is about guiding you to make safe decisions that serve you.
3. Set Boundaries
Similar to setting boundaries in your personal life, it’s also important to create thoughtful parameters around your relationship with your therapist.
Boundaries can keep the therapy session focused on you and your needs.
For example:
- Do you find it hard to share your personal information, like profession or family dynamics, with your therapist?
- Are you comfortable with casual touches like handshakes or a shoulder pat, or do you want to avoid physical contact completely?
- Would you like your therapist to be active and responsive even outside therapy sessions?
Once you consider your preferences, have an honest talk with your therapist. Your therapist’s intent during sessions would be to empower you to handle your problems in a safe environment.
So, if you don’t want to hug your therapist or shake their hands, they will refrain from doing so. The professional may also explore what your boundaries mean to you.
Some ideas to set boundaries during therapy include:
- Saying ‘no’ if you don’t like a therapeutic activity
- Requesting for a particular distance from each other during in-person therapy
- Communicating your therapy goals to avoid deviations from the topic
- Asking your therapist to explain a technique better before moving on to the next one
- Letting your therapist know that you’d like to change the therapy approach. For example, ask for changes if you want to focus more on problem-solving rather than exploring your emotions
4. Be Your Authentic Self
The best way to get the most out of therapy is to help your therapist help you – which means try to be your most authentic self!
Authenticity is matching your inner thoughts and feelings with your outer presentation and behaviour.
Being authentic is an active process – something we should be doing intentionally in every therapy session.
A tip to be authentic is ‘showing up for yourself.’ Try to be comfortable talking about your failures and flaws just as much as you talk about your successes.
We all have things we are not proud of or may even consider ugly about ourselves, and that’s okay. The more awareness we bring towards it during therapy, the more we can accept and manage it.
Some ideas to be authentic during therapy include:
- Reflect on times you have felt authentic in your life. How were you able to do this? What behaviours did you exhibit?
- What’s one thing you are ashamed of yet want to explore in therapy? Try writing notes or talking about it.
- Is there a dichotomy in what you think and how you behave? For example, are you socially anxious but are pretending otherwise during therapy? Recognise the contrast and bring it up during sessions.
If the idea of authenticity feels overwhelming or you struggle to be honest, tell your therapist.
Honesty during sessions is the best way to get to the root of why you’re facing issues and how you’re really feeling.
5. Prepare to Be Proactive
Physically showing up and being mentally present are two very different things.
Finding a top therapist near you does not automatically guarantee that you will get the most out of sessions.
You may have to be mentally present throughout the session to utilise the expert therapist’s services.
Make sure you are prepared and willing to explore your inner self proactively during the 1-hour you and your therapist have reserved.
To be proactive, you can:
- Jot down your thoughts before therapy
- Track your mood and work on therapy homework assigned by your therapist
- Provide feedback and actively question your therapist when you don’t understand something
- Initiate a discussion about any topics that may have been accidentally overridden
- Let your therapist know how you’re doing currently and if there’s anything else you want to focus on in the future calls
6. Be Patient
Therapy is hard emotional work – positive changes and outcomes take time.
It can be frustrating to wait it out, and that’s okay. If your frustration impacts your beliefs on therapy, talk to your therapist about it.
In many ways, therapy is similar to reducing weight. Have you ever focused on weight reduction? Do you remember how frustrating it was during the plateau stage?
Initially, we may reduce weight after some exercise and a balanced diet – but once we reach a plateau (ie when we stop losing weight) – it can be hard to stick to the process.
Similarly, you may notice rapid changes after just a few therapy sessions. However, your progress may have reached a plateau halfway through.
Therapy plateau may happen because:
- You have overcome minor issues like lack of confidence and are now working on deep-rooted problems like childhood trauma, which may take more time to manage
- You find it hard to identify changes in your life
- You may need to work more on implementing therapeutic skills outside therapy sessions
Being patient and giving therapy enough time for it to work is the key to getting the most out of it.
7. Apply Your Learnings in Real-Life
Getting the most out of therapy not only has to do with what you do during therapy but also with what you do outside sessions.
- Do you practice your therapy skills in real-life situations?
- Do you follow the techniques to regulate your emotions?
- Do you engage in the recommended self-care activities?
Keep a list of skills and insights you’ve learned during therapy in Singapore. Try to visit this list every now and then to make sure you maintain the same mindset.
It is easy to forget the little details of how you intend to approach certain things in life after therapy. However, maintaining a list can help you learn the skills slowly until they’re deeply etched in your mind.
Once you start applying your therapy learnings in real life, you will begin to identify the positive outcomes and minor details on how you think about adversities – and this signifies that you are growing and healing.
Conclusion
Getting the most out of therapy involves reflecting on your needs, having realistic expectations, setting boundaries, being authentic, proactive, and patient, and applying your learning in real life.
Remember that Singapore therapists are experts in providing a safe, non-judgmental, and compassionate space for you to talk about any issues you may be facing.
You can utilise therapy in the best possible way by being honest and communicative with your therapist.
The first step in starting with Talk Your Heart Out (TYHO) is finding therapy near you. Review the therapist’s profile and read client reviews to find the right therapist. If you’re ready to start your journey, visit this link: Therapists in Singapore.
