5 Reasons You Might Need Couples Therapy
Last Updated on April 29, 2025 by Prath
Reviewed by April Justice, LICSW
- Published on 29 April 2025
Have you ever looked at your partner and thought, ‘When did we start feeling so distant?’
Maybe you’ve always fought but have habitually resolved conflicts before bed. These days, however, you feel intense emotions at least a couple of times every week.
You’re starting to wonder:
When are we going to fight today? Can I do something to cut short the argument? How do I control my emotions? Did you accidentally forget to do something? Did your partner forget to inform you about something important? What will trigger the fight?
The questions are endless. It’s less about the conflicts and more about how you feel. Sometimes, smiling at your partner or asking about their day is hard.
But here’s the thing: You want change. You wish things were different – easier and more fun.
Is this your hint for seeking couples therapy? Yes, it could be. Couples therapy is for anyone looking to improve their relationship and feel connected again.
Read on for five signs you may want to talk to a couples counsellor and how to convince your partner to seek help if they’re unwilling.
This Article Contains:
5 Reasons You Might Need Couple Therapy
No reason is too big or too small. The only prerequisite to seeking help is that you are in a relationship that’s making you unhappy most of the time.
Note: For couples therapy to work, you and your partner must be willing to put in the work and energy during and outside sessions. See the ‘What if My Partner Won’t Go to Couples Therapy?‘ section if you’re specifically looking to encourage your partner to seek help.
Below are some reasons you should talk to a couples counsellor in Singapore.
1) You’ve Grown Apart
After so long being together, seeing your partner grow and change is natural. However, as people grow, they unintentionally grow apart from each other.
Distance with a loved one like that can make you feel empty or lonely. Initially, you may focus on other things, like hobbies, friendships, and work.
Over time, as things slow down or as you retire, you may look at each other and wonder where all those years went.
How couples therapy helps
During therapy, you and your partner can:
- Reflect on how far you’ve come together in the relationship
- Identify how your needs and preferences have changed over time
- Learn therapeutic tools to build realistic couples’ goals
- Address and manage emotions that may have caused a rift in the relationship
- Develop a strong physical and emotional bond with each other
A reflective question for you
When was the last time you had a deep conversation with your partner and got to know them better?
Not about work or kids or housework, but about each other?
Here are some question ideas:
- How do you feel about me now?
- What’s the most important aspect for you in our relationship?
- How can I make you happy?
- How can we work on your emotional intimacy together?
- What roles do love and affection play in your life?
- Can you tell me one thing you truly love about me?
2) You Have Hurtful Arguments
Every couple argues. Arguing or having conflicts is normal. But how you argue could say a lot about your relationship.
Imagine you’re angry because your partner didn’t spend last weekend with you. When you see them at night, you lash out. Communicating your emotions becomes impossible, and both of you feel hurt and upset before going to sleep.
When you wake up, you carry on like nothing happened. However, deep down, both of you may have suppressed your emotions, and the hurtful arguments play in your head repeatedly, even when things have returned to normal.
How couples therapy helps
Couples counselling in Singapore may teach you:
- How to argue in a healthy way, especially without hurting each other
- How to resolve conflicts before they blow out of proportion
- Tools to manage your emotions and anger in the relationship
- How to articulate your thoughts and feelings constructively
- Activities like ‘Hold Me Tight’ from emotionally focused therapy, to be vulnerable with your partner during arguments and recognise each other’s emotional needs
A ‘Hold Me Tight’ activity from EFT
The ‘Hold Me Tight’ exercise is used by couples counsellors to help you approach arguments from a place of compassion and softness.
- Pick a calm moment: Rather than using this tool during arguments, practice this with your partner well in advance. It’s important to understand how it works before learning to apply it during heated arguments.
- Use ‘I’ statements: Share how you feel instead of focusing on your partner. For example, ‘I feel lonely when I don’t get to spend time with you.’
- Listen without interrupting: After you share your feelings, let your partner talk about theirs. Try not to share your thoughts or opinions at this point.
- Hold your partner tight: End the conversation by being there for each other in a way that doesn’t feel too intense. For example, you can hug your partner, hold hands, or say something hopeful or reassuring.
Seeking couples therapy in Singapore can make you better skilled in using such approaches.
3) You Notice Controlling Behaviours
Control in a relationship can creep in quietly and without your notice. If you’re stuck with a partner who is controlling, it can be hard to identify the signs.
For example, let’s assume you plan to go out with your friends on a trip this weekend.
You’ve booked the tickets and the rooms in advance and have also let your partner know where you will be going. However, at the last minute, your partner may say something like, ‘I’ll be so sad without you. Why are you leaving me alone?’ or ‘Can you skip this once and hang out later? I really need you here.’
Initially, these dialogues can sound romantic or perhaps even caring. However, as it keeps happening, you may feel uncomfortable and restricted.
How couples therapy helps
In couples therapy, your counsellor will help you:
- Identify signs of control or narcissism and help you differentiate them from care and love
- Recognise unhealthy patterns of interaction
- Rebuild mutual trust, respect, and freedom in the relationship
- Set boundaries that you can build and maintain
Small exercise to identify controlling behaviours
Ask yourself some simple questions:
Do I feel free to make my own choices in the relationship?
Who makes the end decisions in all aspects of my life?
How do I feel when I inform my partner?
If your answers to the above questions feel complicated or if you’re unable to come up with a straightforward response, couples therapy can help you navigate this relationship.
4) You or Your Partner has Past Trauma
Post-traumatic stress disorder, or trauma in any form and from any aspect or time in life, does not just ‘go away’.
Your past trauma can seep into your relationship. The negative patterns you engaged in previously can show up as fear, withdrawal, or lack of trust.
Trauma can make you feel powerless and unsafe. It can cause extreme reactions to all sorts of situations.
For example, let’s assume Clay had an abusive relationship with his mother. Due to the trauma, he often feels the need to please others, engages in over-the-top behaviour to satisfy his romantic partner, and hesitates to have constructive conversations to solve conflicts.
The maladaptive behaviours Clay uses can affect his partner’s emotions and make them feel frustrated or angry.
How couples therapy helps
Experiencing trauma can have a significant impact on your personality, habits, lifestyle, and love life. If you notice signs of trauma in yourself or your partner, it’s important to talk to a couples counsellor in Singapore.
A good therapist can help you:
- Identify past experiences that may be affecting your current relationship
- Identify triggers that may cause intense emotions
- Build new and healthy patterns of interactions
- Handle conflicts in a constructive way
- Heal from past trauma and live happily with your partner
Note: Sometimes, talking to a professional individually before seeking couples therapy can also help. If you’d rather have a conversation about your trauma or anxiety separately, our Therapists in Singapore can help you.
You may also seek both individual and couples counselling simultaneously to experience the maximum benefits.
5) You’re Considering Divorce
Sometimes, you and your partner may have mixed agendas. While you wish to split up, your partner may hope to save the relationship.
In such cases, discernment counselling can help you decide the best options that align with both of your needs.
On the one hand, if you’ve decided to work on the relationship, your counsellor may develop a personalised therapeutic plan to help you.
On the other hand, if it’s become apparent that you’re going to split, the couples counsellor can ensure that the divorce or split happens in a healthy and safe environment.
How couples therapy helps
A couple’s counsellor can:
- Provide a non-judgmental place to unpack and explore all the issues that may have caused you to consider a split
- Explore whether a split is needed and teach you practical ways of expressing your feelings to your partner
- Equip you and your partner with tools to save the relationship if that’s the option you’ve selected
- Help you move on from someone you truly loved
What if My Partner Won’t Go to Couples Therapy?
Are you thinking, ‘I’m willing to try therapy, but what if my partner doesn’t want to?’
You’re not alone in this. It puts you in a vulnerable position to show your partner that you want to work on the relationship. Your desire to fix the problems can make it seem like you care more about them than they do.
However, remind yourself that your partner may hesitate for several other reasons. Perhaps they don’t understand the benefits of therapy, or they believe in common myths about couples counselling.
Here’s what you can do if your partner is unwilling to try therapy:
- Share your feelings and direct the conversation about how couples therapy might benefit the relationship.
- Normalise seeking support and share articles or resources about therapy with your partner.
- Talk about your previous experience with therapy, or share personal stories of transformation you come across on the internet.
- Avoid forcing your partner to talk to a counsellor. Encourage them as much as possible, but acknowledge and accept if they don’t want to seek counselling.
Consider individual counselling if your partner doesn’t want to try couples therapy. One healthy shift in a relationship can encourage the other person to reflect too.
Key Takeaways
Relationships are like plants. On the surface, things may look fine, but without regular care, they slowly start to wilt.
Below are some signs you may need couples therapy:
- You’ve grown apart
- You have hurtful conversations
- You notice controlling behaviours
- You or your partner has past trauma
- You’re considering a split in the relationship
Couples therapy in Singapore offers a safe space to reconnect, learn practical tools, and heal together.
If your partner is hesitant about therapy, consider talking to them about the following:
- The benefits of couples counselling
- What you hope to achieve through it
- The emotional load you’re carrying
- Mental health resources that help normalise getting support
If nothing works, take the first step yourself and talk to a Therapist today.
Ursula K. Le Guin said it best:
‘Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone; it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.’
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