- 24 February 2023
Think about how you treat a friend when they are struggling. Odds are, you do your best to be kind, patient, and understanding with them. You don’t shame them for feeling the way they do; tell them they have nothing to be sad about or minimise their pain. Yet, when it comes to being kind, patient, and compassionate with ourselves, we often lack the skills to do so.
If you are reading this article, you probably thought: “What is wrong with me?” Unfortunately, that question often means that you are a person who is having a hard time right now. And just like a friend in pain, you deserve kindness, patience, and understanding too.
It is common to think that we should be able to handle our problems on our own or that we should be able to “get over” complicated feelings quickly. However, mental health professionals know that it can be challenging. Even if it does not feel like it sometimes, you are strong. And asking for help is one of the strongest things you can do. It takes much courage to ask for help, and you should be proud of yourself for taking that step.
Let’s get into some concrete steps you can take when you feel like something is wrong. These steps may not all work for you, but consider trying a few and see what helps you feel better.
Why You May Feel Like Something Is Wrong With You
It is not uncommon to think thoughts like: “what is wrong with me?” or “how to find out what is wrong with me.” As a result, you may struggle to complete even the simplest of tasks, feel like you are not making progress in life, or generally feel down and out. Although these feelings can be frustrating, confusing, and even scary, knowing you are not alone is essential. In fact, there are several reasons why you may be feeling this way.
Feeling Overwhelmed
Overwhelmed is a feeling you get when you feel you have too much on your plate and do not know how to deal with it. You feel as if you are being crushed, and your thoughts are rushing at a speed you cannot understand. Moreover, you might feel dizzy, feel your body go numb, or feel your heart pounding out of your chest. You feel like something is wrong with you.
One of the most common reasons why people feel like something is wrong with them is because they are overwhelmed. Life can be busy and stressful, and it’s easy to feel like you are being pulled in multiple directions. Feeling overwhelmed can be a constant battle, whether it’s because of work, family, or other responsibilities.
Feeling Stuck
Another reason why you may feel like something is wrong with you is if you are feeling stuck. For example, perhaps you feel like you are not progressing in your career or are stuck in a relationship that doesn’t bring you joy. Feeling stuck can be a frustrating experience, and it is essential to take steps to identify what’s holding you back. For example, do you feel the way you do because you miss your ex? Or maybe you are dealing with peer pressure?
If you have a clear vision of your ideal life and believe you are not living up to it, you may begin to think something is amiss. People often find themselves on a constant trail of thoughts when they feel stuck. They may think, “what is wrong with me,” “why am I single” or even “what is wrong with me mentally”. These thoughts can be terrifying, but we will soon see how you can cope with them.
Dealing with Setbacks
Sometimes it can feel like nothing seems to work out for you no matter what you do. Maybe you’ve been applying for jobs but can’t seem to get hired, or you’ve been trying to meet someone special but keep getting ghosted.
Setbacks and failures are a natural part of life and do not mean something is wrong with you. Sometimes, it feels like life is not going our way, which can be frustrating. We might try everything we can to change things, but it does not work. This can make us feel like something is wrong with us. Nonetheless, the reality is that some things are simply beyond our control, no matter how hard we try.
When facing a challenging situation, start by thinking about what you can control. It’s important to accept that some things are not in our hands, which is okay.
Mental Health Issues
Feeling like something is wrong with you can be a sign of a deeper issue, such as a mental health condition. Depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues can cause a wide range of symptoms, from feelings of sadness and hopelessness to physical symptoms like fatigue and headaches.
If you are experiencing persistent symptoms, seeking support from a professional psychologist who can help you identify what’s happening and develop a treatment plan is essential.
Experiencing Physical Illness
Lastly, it is important to remember that physical illness can also contribute to feelings of not being quite right. You may be experiencing physical illness if your thoughts are like: “what is wrong with me physically?” or “what is wrong with me?”
Chronic pain, fatigue, and other symptoms can majorly impact your mood and overall well-being. Therefore, if you think these physical symptoms are affecting your daily life, you should seek medical attention to identify the underlying cause of your issues.
How to Cope: 10 Ways to Feel Better
1. Relaxation Techniques
Asking yourself “what is wrong with me?” is not uncommon. When you are in this state of mind, the best thing to do is to find ways to calm down and relax. Developing a list of “calm down activities” can be an effective way to cope with these emotions.
Here are some ideas that you can add to your list of calm-down activities:
Deep breathing exercises: Slowly inhaling and exhaling can help regulate your heartbeat and reduce feelings of anxiety.
Meditation: Sitting in a quiet, peaceful place and focusing your thoughts can help clear your mind and bring a sense of calm.
Yoga: Practising yoga can help relieve stress and promote relaxation through a series of poses and breathing techniques.
Taking a walk: Going for a walk outside, especially in nature, can help clear your mind and reduce feelings of anxiety.
Listening to music: Calming music can help soothe your nerves and improve your mood.
Taking a warm bath: A warm bath can help relax your muscles and soothe your mind.
Writing in a journal: Writing down your thoughts and emotions can help you work through them and gain a new perspective.
Practising self-care: Doing things that make you feel good, such as taking a bubble bath, watching a movie, or treating yourself to your favourite snack, can be a great way to boost your mood and feel better.
By incorporating these activities into your daily routine, you can develop a sense of calm and balance, even when you feel like something is wrong with you.
2. Create an Action Plan
When feelings like “what is wrong with me?” start to take over, creating an action plan can help cope with them. This involves identifying specific problems and outlining steps that you can take to address them. You may have read about various coping strategies, such as grounding or making a gratitude list. While these tips are beneficial, you may struggle to carry them out.
After all, they require you to identify your needs at the moment and to find the motivation to act on them. Creating an action plan could be an effective way to cope with mental health problems. This is because an action plan involves you to:
be clear about your current state and the potential problem;
create a realistic plan of action to tackle the problem; and
- follow through with the plan.
To create an action plan, consider the following steps:
Seek help from a professional psychotherapist.
Identify areas of your life that need improvement. These include finding a better job, improving relationships, or developing new hobbies.
Set realistic goals and break them down into actionable steps.
Read self-help books or online resources relevant to your goals.
- Find an accountability partner to help keep you motivated and on track.
By taking these steps, you can create a clear plan of action that will help you to move forward and overcome negative thoughts and emotions.
3. Observe Your Body
Do you often think, “what is wrong with me physically?” This may indicate that you might be suffering from a physical illness.
It can be helpful to observe your body to avoid a negative spiral. When you are more aware of the feelings and sensations your body experiences, you will be better able to take action to improve your mood and outlook.
Here are some things you can do to address specific feelings:
Brain fog: Make a to-do list or plan of action to get everything out of your head and onto paper.
Feelings of tiredness: Establish a consistent sleep schedule and ensure you are getting enough sleep.
Inability to sit still: Exercise or try going for a walk.
Pain: Identify the issue and seek appropriate solutions. For example, if you have back pain, you could consult a physical therapist to help identify the root cause of the pain and develop a treatment plan. The physical therapist may recommend specific exercises, stretches, or other treatments to alleviate the pain and prevent it from recurring.
- Anxiety: Practise deep breathing, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation.
4. Nothing Works Out for Me
We all have thoughts, all the time, about everything. Some thoughts are about other people, and some are about ourselves. We might think of nice things and not-so-nice things. Ideas are like the bubbles in a fizzy drink – we have them all the time, and are part of life. It is normal!
Being aware of our thoughts gives us the option to decide whether to act on them. For instance, if we realise that we are thinking negatively about our friend, such as “my friend doesn’t like me,” we can choose to dwell on it and feel upset, or we can attempt to disprove the thought and disregard it.
Your thoughts are not a reflection of your identity. They may appear in your mind even when you are not consciously thinking about them; some can even be harmful. Therefore, acting on negative thoughts can lead to negative consequences. The aim is to distinguish your thoughts from your behaviours.
5. Practise Self-Care
Self-care involves caring for your physical, mental, and emotional needs, and there are many ways to practise it.
For example, practising self-care can help you eliminate thoughts like, “what is wrong with me?”
Practise mindfulness: Mindfulness can help you focus on the present moment and become aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Try meditating, doing yoga, or simply taking a few deep breaths.
Get enough sleep: Sleep is essential for your mental health, and getting enough sleep can improve your mood and help you feel more energised. So, try to establish a regular sleep schedule and create a relaxing bedtime routine.
Eat a healthy diet: Focus on eating nutrient-dense foods and avoid processed or sugary foods that can cause mood swings.
Exercise regularly: Exercise releases endorphins that can improve your mood and reduce stress.
- Connect with others: Spending time with people who support and care about you can help you feel more connected and reduce feelings of isolation. Reach out to friends, family, or a support group to help you feel more connected.
6. Anxiety Coping Mechanisms
Anxiety can be a challenging emotion to cope with, but some coping mechanisms can be helpful.
Here are a few ways to manage anxiety when you feel like something is wrong with you:
Deep breathing: Take a deep breath in for a count of four, hold it for a count of four, and then slowly release it for a count of four. Repeat this exercise several times to calm yourself.
Positive self-talk: Challenge negative self-talk and replace it with positive statements. For example, instead of saying, “I’m not good enough,” say, “I am capable and strong.”
Avoiding triggers: Identify what triggers your anxiety and avoid them when possible. For example, if you feel anxious in crowds, try to avoid crowded places.
7. Depression Coping Mechanisms
Depression can be challenging to manage, and it can be difficult to know what to do when you are feeling down. However, it’s important to remember that depression is a treatable condition, and many coping mechanisms can help you manage your symptoms.
One crucial coping mechanism for depression is to engage in regular physical activity. Exercise has been shown to release endorphins, which can help to elevate mood and reduce feelings of depression. Even a short walk or a few minutes of stretching can be beneficial.
Talking to an international or Singaporean psychologist at TYHO can also be an effective way to cope with depression. A therapist can help you identify the underlying causes of your depression and provide you with tools and strategies to manage your symptoms.
8. Get an Outside Perspective
When your thoughts sound like “what is wrong with me?” or “why do I get irritated and angry so easily?” it can be helpful to seek an outside perspective. Occasionally, we can get so caught up in our thoughts and feelings that it’s difficult to see things clearly. A mental health professional, such as a therapist, can help you gain a better understanding of what’s going on inside you and help you develop strategies to cope with these feelings.
A therapist can provide an objective perspective and help you recognise behaviours that may not serve you best (eg maladaptive behaviours). They can help you identify which behaviours are productive, helpful, and serving you in your life and which ones are not. This can be especially helpful when you feel like you cannot cope with your thoughts and feelings alone.
Therapy can also help you embrace your difficult thoughts and emotions. After all, being surrounded by people who are different can make us feel like we are abnormal or that something is wrong with us. But a therapist can help you appreciate your differences and the differences in others, which can be empowering.
9. Change One Thing About Yourself
If you feel like something is wrong with you, it might be time to make a change. From time to time, the thought of changing everything about ourselves can be overwhelming, but focusing on changing just one thing can have a significant impact. Take time to reflect on your behaviours and identify one thing you want to change. This could be something like being kinder to others, improving your mental health, or developing a healthier habit.
Once you have identified the behaviour you want to change, make a deliberate effort to improve it. For example, if you want to be kinder to others, you could start by doing small acts of kindness to people you meet daily. If you want to improve your mental health, you could start by seeking help from a psychotherapist or finding healthy ways to release negative emotions, such as through exercise or journaling.
The key is to make small, achievable changes that will positively impact your life. By changing one thing about yourself, you may find that other areas of your life also start to improve. Remember, change is a process that takes time and effort, but with commitment and patience, you can make positive changes and move towards a happier, healthier you!
10. Spend Time With Your Loves Ones
Spending time with the people you love can be an incredibly powerful tool in helping to combat feelings of insecurity and self-doubt. Connecting with your loved ones can provide comfort, safety, and security, making it easier to cope with difficult emotions. In addition, it is a great way to gain support and understanding from those closest to you and allows you to focus on something other than your worries and anxieties.
Spending time with loved ones can help remind us that we are not alone in our struggles and that there are people out there who care about us deeply. But, of course, not every person you spend time with is a good fit. Spending time with people who cannot validate your feelings or help to provide support can actually be harmful. If they invalidate or belittle your emotions, it may be best to avoid them until you feel more prepared and able to cope with their lack of support.
If you can’t talk to your friends, loved ones, or even those who work in stores and restaurants, find a community that speaks to your spirituality. There are many online communities for people looking for emotional or psychological support. You might also want to consider talking with a therapist about how you can begin reconnecting with other people again.
Conclusion
So, the main question is: What is wrong with me? Unfortunately, imperfections exist in every human being in this world. People sometimes strive to do their best but still come up short. Other times, difficult situations can lead them astray. However, when we question what is wrong with us, it’s an opportunity to improve ourselves.
When you ask a challenging question like this, it shows that you are finally ready to make changes to create a better, wiser, and more resilient version of yourself.