Is Premarital Counselling Necessary?
Last Updated on May 22, 2025 by Manassa Shrikanth
Reviewed by April Justice, LICSW
- Published on 22 May 2025
If you’re getting married soon, you may be wondering if premarital counselling is something you should consider. You may:
- Want to give it a try, but are anxious about bringing it up to your partner
- Want to avoid it due to societal stigma, myths and apprehensions
- Worry about finding a good counsellor
- Have never given it a thought until now
No matter which category you fall into, we’re here to tell you that premarital counselling provides a host of benefits to couples getting ready for marriage.
In this blog, we explore how premarital counselling helps address any present issues, uncover hidden conflicts, strengthen communication skills, set realistic expectations for marriage and ultimately ensure a lasting and healthy relationship.
This Article Contains:
What is Premarital Counselling?
Marriage is a pivotal step in life, and it’s only natural to feel a mix of emotions in the months leading up to the big day. Doubts, conflicts, anxiety and stress may all be visitors in your daily life.
While premarital counselling helps deal with such issues, it’s not just for couples facing conflict. It can often be proactive, not reactive – think of it as insurance for a healthy marriage!
During premarital counselling, you and your partner will work with a couples counsellor specialising in this area. Your therapeutic plan may involve both individual and couples sessions with your counsellor.
Sessions may involve the following:
- Exploring emotional readiness for marriage
- Acknowledging and understanding differences, eg communication styles, hobbies, etc
- Discussing values and beliefs, shared as well as conflicting
- Gauging compatibility and potential areas of future conflict
- Learning strategies to navigate differences and conflicts
- Setting goals and expectations for the future, eg financial planning, having children, relationships with extended family, etc
- Addressing fears, anxieties, concerns and past experiences
Should You Go for Premarital Counselling?
The short answer? It depends on your decision as a couple!
Premarital counselling is not a ‘necessity’ for entering into a marriage. The choice is entirely yours; it’s a personal and mutual choice between you and your partner.
That said, just because something is not mandatory doesn’t mean it’s not valuable.
Many couples may hesitate to explore premarital counselling due to stigma or the belief that ‘we don’t have any problems, so we don’t need therapy’.
However, counselling isn’t only for distress and crises. Premarital counselling is often most helpful to those already in strong, healthy relationships but wishing to further strengthen and future-proof their bonds.
Whether you’re newly engaged, planning a wedding, or simply discussing your future together, premarital counselling can be a safe space to build clarity, confidence, and emotional alignment before taking that lifelong step together.
Still unsure if it’s right for you? Join us in the following section as we explore the benefits of premarital counselling and the practical ways it helps couples.
7 Benefits of Premarital Counselling
1) Strengthens Communication & Fosters Active Listening
Effective communication is one of the most essential parts of a marriage’s foundation.
In premarital counselling, you and your partner learn to express feelings, emotions and thoughts openly. You also build active listening skills, ie listening without judgment or defensiveness.
Such skills learnt in premarital counselling can help you communicate better with your partner, prevent misunderstandings and improve emotional intimacy before and during your marriage.
An Example Scenario
Maya and Ben are a couple living in Singapore. They’ve been in a committed relationship for 3 years and plan to marry next summer!
Upon a mutual friend’s suggestion, they decide to try premarital counselling.
Here’s what their premarital counsellor helps them uncover and understand: Maya and Ben have different communication styles and needs.
Maya often shares little wins from her day – like getting praised by her boss or finishing a task before its deadline – but Ben listens passively and doesn’t respond much. In premarital counselling, Maya realises that she values verbal encouragement and active responses, which Ben isn’t used to offering.
After learning about these differences, Ben starts working on listening actively, offering words of affirmation, thus strengthening their relationship.
2) Brings Out Hidden Expectations & Assumptions
We may all carry many unspoken beliefs, expectations and assumptions about our partners, relationship roles, or even marriage itself. These may have been shaped by culture, upbringing, society or past experiences.
Premarital counselling aids in bringing these to the surface, exploring misalignments, if any, understanding why they exist and discussing how to deal with them. It helps you step into marriage with more clarity and conscious understanding.
An Example Scenario
Lana and her partner Ro, a couple in their 30s, just got engaged. They decide to explore premarital counselling in Singapore.
During their sessions, they discover a hidden assumption. Lana had assumed that Ro would move in with her after marriage.
Their counsellor helps them understand where this expectation may have stemmed from: Lana lost her father at a young age and lives alone with her mother. She feels responsible for her mother’s welfare.
Although Ro understands this deeply and empathises with Lana, they convey the fact that Lana had never discussed this arrangement with them.
With the help of their premarital counsellor, Lana and Ro spend time understanding each other’s perspectives and decide on a middle ground: to live in an apartment five minutes from Lana’s mother.
3) Teaches Conflict Resolution Skills
Disagreements are a healthy part of all relationships. What matters is that you’re prepared and know how to handle them.
In premarital counselling, you’ll learn to approach conflicts with empathy and openness instead of blame and anger. Gaining these valuable skills before stepping into marriage can help bring you closer as a couple.
An Example Scenario
Whenever Sophie and Daniel fight, Sophie tends to burst out and shout while Daniel tends to shut down. They keep getting stuck in the same loop without resolving the issue.
Through premarital counselling, they understand that they have opposing conflict resolution styles and learn strategies such as taking time-outs, using ‘I’ statements and checking in with each other. These help them de-escalate conflicts and try to resolve them together.
4) Encourages Self-Awareness & Improves Boundary Setting
It’s easy to lose grip on one’s self-awareness in a relationship, especially when taking a massive step like marriage.
Premarital counselling offers a safe space to explore your emotional triggers, attachment styles, and personal needs.
Your counsellor can also guide you in setting and respecting boundaries, which are key for individual well-being as well as a healthy relationship.
An Example Scenario
Hassan finds it hard to say no to those close to him, often stretching himself thin to accommodate others’ needs, including his fiancé, Marcus.
Premarital counselling helps him explore why setting boundaries may feel difficult and equips him with practical strategies to start saying no without guilt. Counselling thus leads to healthier relationship dynamics, and Hassan feels more confident about marriage.
5) Facilitates Conversations About Important Life Decisions
Important life decisions such as children, finances, intimacy, careers and family obligations can often be tricky to navigate.
Talking openly about such topics well before marriage helps you understand where each of you stands, avoid future disagreements and start your new chapter with clarity and confidence.
An Example Scenario
Min wants to financially support his ageing parents, while his fiancée Rachel is keen on saving for a house.
During premarital counselling, they begin a deeper discussion about money, responsibilities, personal priorities and shared goals.
Counselling offers a safe stage for honest conversations and helps them feel more aligned with their priorities and goals.
6) Guides with Alignment on Core Values & Beliefs
While differences are healthy and inevitable, shared values and beliefs provide the glue to a happy marriage.
For many, non-negotiables may include religion, family, children, and gender roles. In premarital counselling, you can discuss and align on such non-negotiables, thus creating a solid shared foundation for your marriage.
An Example Scenario
Ria comes from a tight-knit religious family and values religious events deeply. Her fiancée, Alyssa, doesn’t follow any faith and feels uncomfortable in religious settings.
Premarital counselling helps them reflect on how their upbringing may have shaped their values and priorities. Through open discussion, they reach a middle ground – one that honours Ria’s religious values while respecting Alyssa’s boundaries and comfort.
7) Ensures Emotional Readiness for Marriage
While love may be the most crucial ingredient for a marriage, emotional readiness is equally important.
Many couples may be pushed by conscious or unconscious pressure from peers, family or even each other.
Remember that each couple is different, and it’s not ideal to rush into marriage due to any kind of pressure. Premarital counselling gives you space to remove yourself from the pressure of such factors, check in with yourself and your partner, and make a decision that feels right for you.
An Example Scenario
Jayden and Farah love each other deeply, but don’t feel entirely ready for marriage yet.
However, they face direct pressure from family and indirect peer pressure from friends, many of whom are engaged or married.
They decide to see a premarital counsellor in Singapore. With the help of their counsellor, they unpack individual fears and uncertainties, including worries about losing independence and long-term commitment.
Through these premarital counselling sessions, they learn that it’s okay to move at their own pace and decide to relook at marriage at a later point when they both feel ready.
Conclusion
Premarital counselling is a valuable tool that can help you understand whether you’re entering marriage with openness, maturity, conscious choice and realistic expectations. This readiness can often be the difference between growing together and growing apart.
Remember that readiness doesn’t look the same for everyone. What matters is that you follow your gut and move at a pace that feels right for you.
If you’re engaged or thinking about marriage, premarital counselling can benefit you greatly!
At Talk Your Heart Out (TYHO), our team of accredited marriage counsellors are here to help you navigate this beautiful journey of togetherness with added confidence and clarity.
Book your premarital counselling session with TYHO now!
