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Month: May 2023

Is My Boyfriend Cheating? Watch Out for These 4 Signs of Infidelity

Posted on by shilpa

60% of couples who seek therapy after infidelity report relationship improvement

Find a Therapist
  • Updated on 28 June 2024

Cheating in a relationship can affect us in several different ways. 

Was it my fault? Am I not good enough? How can I change myself so my partner likes being with me?

The above are some of the questions we tend to ask ourselves – however, it’s important to remember that your partner cheating says less about you and more about them. 

If you ask yourself, “Is my boyfriend cheating?” or “How do I tell if my boyfriend is cheating on me?” and struggle to find the right answers – this article is for you.

In this article, we share the signs of cheating in a relationship and provide tips and advice that you can use if you suspect that your partner is cheating on you. 

Look out for some commonly asked questions about infidelity. 

Remember, you deserve to be in a healthy and supportive relationship. Regardless of whether it is a monogamous or ethical non-monogamous relationship, you deserve partners who value and love you for who you are! 

This Article Contains:

What Are the First Signs of Cheating? 

Cheating takes a toll on our mental health and affects the way we interact and seek new relationships in the future. 

Cheating or infidelity is when a partner is unfaithful and causes mistrust, tension, or instability in relationships.

When someone cheats, it’s not only about physical intimacy. For example, cheating can take several forms, such as:

  • Physical
  • Emotional
  • Psychological

If your partner texts someone without your knowledge and engages in elaborate romantic conversation with them – it would be emotional cheating. 

People tend to cheat for several reasons. Some of the common reasons include:

  • Lack of physical intimacy in the current relationship
  • Lack of emotional availability
  • A need to seek thrill or adventure 
  • A lack of connection or bond with the current partner

A person can cheat explicitly or in a more subtle way. For example, manipulating a partner and telling them that they’re not good enough and then spending time with someone else could indicate narcissism. 

On the other hand, texting or engaging in physical contact with someone without the knowledge of a partner is a more subtle way to cheat.

Below are some of the first signs of cheating:

  • Suddenly becoming more distant
  • Showing less interest in physical intimacy with the current partner
  • Refusing to spend time with the partner

The signs may seem like they’re connected to some other person’s problem, which could be the case. However, if the signs persist for a long time (eg more than a week or two), you may want to initiate a conversation about the same.

How to Tell if My Boyfriend Is Cheating On Me?

In this section, we will discuss some red flags or signs that could indicate that your boyfriend might be cheating. We will also explore why placing some confidence in your partner is important and how to approach the situation with care and empathy. Although these points focus on infidelity in a boyfriend, it is still relevant to people of all genders. 

60% of couples who seek therapy after infidelity report relationship improvement

Find a Therapist

Your Gut Feeling

Red Flag: As much as we do not want to believe it, sometimes our gut tells us that something is not quite right in our relationship. Even though it is not proof of cheating, that feeling of unease can be hard to shake. 

For many people, the initial indication of cheating is a feeling that something is amiss. In this case, you may subconsciously note other subtle signs of infidelity that may have contributed to your gut feeling. 

Benefit of doubt: While your intuition may tell you something is off; it could be wrong. So, how do you tell the difference? Perhaps your partner is dealing with stress at work, causing them to act differently. Have you tried talking to them about it? 

What to do: If your gut feeling persists, it can often be more right than wrong. If you have a hunch that something fishy is going on, pay attention to other signs that could confirm or disprove your suspicion. Try to avoid being confrontational or accusatory. Instead, express your concerns and let your partner know that the relationship is not meeting your needs.  

Mood Swings

Red Flag: If you have been wondering, “Is my boyfriend cheating on me?” Here are some signs to look out for. If you notice that your partner is getting irritated with you, even for the most minor things, it could be a sign that they are cheating. 

They become defensive and nervous when you inquire about their recent activities. They might be taking out their frustration on you, or they might be pushing you away. 

Benefit of doubt: Of course, there could be other reasons why your partner is easily irritated. Maybe they are worried about something going on in their life. They could also be planning a surprise for a special occasion and trying to keep it a secret. Before jumping to conclusions, it can help to have an honest discussion with your partner about what is going on and how you can support each other. 

What to do: If your first thought about their mood swings is, “I think my boyfriend is cheating on me,” then it is better to process that thought. To do this, you can gather more information by paying attention to your boyfriend’s behaviours. Then, approach the topic calmly and non-judgmentally, share your feelings, listen to their perspective, and see if they have a reasonable explanation for their mood swings. 

Your Friends and Family Notice a Change

Red Flag: If your friends notice something wrong with your relationship dynamic, it could be worth paying attention to their concerns. Your partner may be displaying behaviours that are out of character or acting more suspicious than usual around them. 

Cheaters often experience feelings of guilt. As a way to justify their actions to themselves, they may try to make their partner look bad. Some may even try to start fights or create a hostile environment to achieve this.

Benefit of doubt: Perhaps your boyfriend feels uncomfortable around some of your friends for personal reasons, or you might not have the complete picture of what is happening. 

What to do: Do you still think you are in an unhealthy situation? That your boyfriend is cheating in the relationship? If that is the case, try to ask your partner about the behaviour your friends have noticed and see if they have an explanation. You can also talk to your friends and get more details about their observations. If nothing works, consider seeking advice from a professional counsellor to help you work through these issues. 

Technology Changes

Red Flag: In today’s digital age, cheating has become easier due to the widespread availability of technology. A common sign to look out for is when your boyfriend starts being overly sensitive with their electronic devices. For example, they might have a second phone or email account you know nothing about. It could be a red flag if they start taking calls in private and seem defensive when you get close to their gadgets. 

Benefit of doubt: Your boyfriend might prefer to have privacy over what he does and who he contacts, and there is nothing wrong with that. 

What to do: While it is natural to feel curious, snooping is a breach of trust that could damage your relationship. Instead, consider talking to your partner and expressing your concerns in a non-accusatory way. Ask them to show you the messages or explain why they are being secretive. If they are unwilling to be transparent, it may be time to question their response.

Cheating in a relationship can have devastating consequences, such as eroding trust, causing emotional pain, and potentially leading to the end of the relationship.

Takeaway

Cheating can affect our mental health and our dynamics in future relationships. Cheating can happen in several ways, physical, emotional, or psychological.

The common reasons behind cheating may include lack of intimacy, emotional unavailability, or lack of connection with the partner.

If you suspect your partner may be cheating, try to trust your gut feelings, observe for any mood swings, and pay attention to your friends’ or close cirlce’s observations.

Directly talking to your partner about their behaviours can be a good start to address infidelity. However, if things are too complicated to handle professional Therapists can help you navigate this situation safely.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is my boyfriend cheating in our long-distance relationship?

Being in a long-distance relationship already has its own challenges. For example, it can be hard to find time to talk to each other, keep up with each other’s lives, or even satisfy emotional and physical needs. 

Most importantly, if the relationship dynamic is not strong, long-distance could also lead to doubts about what the partner is up to, questions, and other trust-related issues. 

If you suspect your partner in a long-distance relationship is cheating on you, we provide some tips and points you can read. 

The below tips can help you notice if there is any strange change in your dynamics. 

However, do remember that the most important thing to do if you suspect cheating is to have an open and honest conversation with your partner. 

Some of the points you could look into are:

  • Look for changes in behaviours such as lack of communication or interest in you (See: How Do I Tell If He Loves Me).
  • Notice if your partner suddenly avoids certain topics or becomes defensive when you discuss how you have been feeling lately. 

As mentioned previously, the changes in behaviour could also be due to personal problems such as mental health issues, family stress, or work burnout. 

Hence, if you notice these signs for long enough – the first thing to do would be to talk to your partner. 

If your partner is not willing to open up or further increase your suspicions, it would be better to consult a mental health professional such as an online therapist. 

What is considered cheating?

The concept of cheating does not have a one-size-fits-all definition. This is because cheating depends on the partners and their relationship. 

For example, if a couple is in an open relationship and has consented and agreed to have multiple partners – their engagement with others would not be considered cheating. 

On the other hand, if one partner either emotionally or physically engages with someone else without the consent or knowledge of their current partner – it is cheating. 

In general, cheating is when a partner breaks any trust or commitment of their loved one. For example, breaking trust could include:

  • Kissing or having sex with someone else
  • Texting romantically 
  • Developing a deep love for someone else and hiding it from the partner

If you suspect that your partner is cheating, try to have an honest conversation about this. You can also bring this topic up in a safe environment, such as during psychotherapy. 

If you find out that your partner hasn’t cheated on you, you can still seek therapy to set realistic couples goals to prevent any future conflicts!

If you have experienced cheating in a relationship, therapy can provide a safe space for you and your partner to address the underlying issues that contribute to cheating.

What causes a man to cheat?

There is not a single reason as to why men cheat. 

For example, in a 2020 study, 87.9% of the research participants confessed to cheating in their relationship. 

The participants shared their reasons for cheating, and some of them were:

  • Anger
  • Self-esteem
  • Lack of love
  • Low or no commitment
  • Need for variety and excitement
  • Neglect in the relationship
  • Sexual desires
  • Dye to situations or circumstances (ie a more vague answer)

If you ask yourself, “Is my boyfriend cheating?” and want to find out why – it may be a good idea to either talk to your partner about it or seek couples therapy together. 

Do remember that none of the reasons are valid to excuse cheating. If your partner has cheated, it is best to confront them about it. 

Cheating is a partner’s choice, and it is their responsibility to become accountable for their actions. Your partner cheating does not say anything about you as a person. 

At Talk Your Heart Out (TYHO), our Therapists are always available to help you manage your emotions, set healthy boundaries, and move on from an unhealthy relationship. Reach out today if you need help. You are not alone!

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Why Does My Mom Hate Me? Reasons You May Feel This Way

Posted on by TYHO Team

Therapy can help fix nearly 90% of parent-child relationships

Solve parental issues in therapy
  • Updated on 21 June 2024

As children, we rely heavily on our mothers for guidance, support, and love. So, it is natural for us to feel deeply connected to them and to crave their affection. However, despite their importance, mothers have a complex and stressful role. They are responsible for providing for their children’s needs, protecting them from harm, and showing them love. Unfortunately, not all mothers know how to fulfil these roles. You are not alone if you are an adult who has ever asked yourself, “Why does my mom hate me?”

In this article, we will explore some of the toxic behaviour patterns your mother exhibits that may make you feel that she hates you and things you can do to cope with feeling unloved. It is a painful topic to discuss, but an important one for anyone struggling to bond with their mother.

This Article Contains:

Why You May Feel That Your Mother Hates You

Statements such as “My mother hates me” or “Why does my mom hate me?” may occasionally cross the minds of some people. There could be many reasons why a child (of any age) may think their mom hates them.

Generally, these thoughts stem from negative behaviour patterns that one might have noticed in their mother. Perhaps they feel neglected or invalidated and have perceived the emotion as hatred.

A child may mistakenly assume that their mother’s aggressiveness is directed at them if they frequently witness such behaviour. It could also be that the child is a teenager going through a complicated growth spurt and has naturally assumed that their mom is always against them.

Although all these reasons may be valid, it is nearly impossible to pinpoint one specific cause without knowing the context of the situation or the relationship dynamics.

Moreover, it is important to remember that experiencing a smooth-sailing relationship all the time with anyone is nearly impossible. Disagreements or feelings of annoyance every now and then are bound to surface in every household. This also applies to monogamous, non-monogamous, platonic and romantic bonds that one may have with friends, partners, or acquaintances.

Common toxic behaviour patterns that may make you think, “Why does my mom hate me?” include:

  • constant criticism;

  • belittling or insulting your emotions;

  • controlling and displaying manipulative behaviour;

  • denying needs;

  • being emotionally or physically abusive;

  • playing the victim; and

  • sabotaging relationships, or personal growth.

With that in mind, we will go in-depth into some of these patterns in the next section. 

Content Warning: The following content discusses physical and sexual abuse, domestic violence, and other traumatic experiences that may trigger some readers. If you feel uncomfortable or distressed by these topics, please proceed cautiously. You may also wish to consider seeking support from a mental health professional.

Your Mother Constantly Criticises You

Being on the receiving end of constant criticism from your mother can feel incredibly demotivating and hurtful. Especially if this pattern triggers thoughts like “Why does my mom hate me?” or “What should I do if my mom hates me?”.

You may want to consider the idea that criticism is not always a bad thing. On the one hand, receiving honest feedback, thoughts, and opinions about how we handle things can be incredibly helpful in our personal growth. But on the other hand, listening to harsh or insensitive comments can be very upsetting, especially when those comments come from our mother.

There could be many underlying reasons for the strained relationship between mother and child. For example, it is possible that your mother is dealing with personal issues or working long hours, leaving her emotionally unavailable to engage with you. Alternatively, you may be going through an emotionally tough phase, and your mother may struggle to cope with your changes.

While constructive criticism can be helpful, harsh reviews about every aspect of your life can damage your self-esteem and self-worth. If your mother consistently finds fault with everything you do, including minor matters such as your choice of clothing or perfume, it may be a sign that she does not have your best interests at heart.

It is important to communicate with your mother about how her response makes you feel. Expressing your feelings to her can open up a conversation about how she can show her concern and love for you in a way that you want.

Your Mother Does Not Spend Quality Time With You

Do you often wonder, “Why does my mom hate me?”. As we grow older, it is common for our relationships with our parents to evolve and change. And while life changes and busy schedules can create distance, it is always tough when your mother seems to avoid spending time with you.

It is essential to recognise that there could be valid reasons for this behaviour, and it may not directly reflect her feelings towards you. For example, it could be that she is swamped with work, struggling with her health, or dealing with personal issues that take up most of her time.

After all, it appears that as soon as we grow up, there hardly ever seems to be enough time to balance work, life,  and personal and social needs.

However, if she frequently cancels plans or rushes through your time together, it may cause you to feel hurt. It may also lead you to question whether she genuinely wants to spend time with you.

While it is not easy to come to terms with the fact that your mother may not want to spend time with you, it is crucial to have an open and honest conversation. Discuss your feelings with her and try to find out if you can do anything to improve your relationship.

However, remember that you do not have to take on the entire responsibility of rebuilding the bond. The effort has to be mutual.

The thought, "Why does my mom hate me?" can alienate you and leave you feeling lonely.

You Feel Unsafe in the Relationship

If you feel unsafe or are experiencing any abuse in your relationship with your mother, it might be challenging to come to terms with what you are going through. You are not at fault for any abusive behaviour directed at you.

Abuse can take many forms, and it may not always be obvious. However, red flags can include yelling, arguing, name-calling, humiliation, degradation, isolation, and other manipulative behaviours. If you suspect you are experiencing abuse, seeking help as soon as possible is important.

Talking to a teacher or a school counsellor can be helpful if you are still in school. It may be harder to navigate where to turn if you are an adult, but reaching out to family and friends can be a great source of support.

Support groups are available for survivors of abuse that can provide a sense of community and help in healing. Booking an online or offline session with a professional therapist is one of the many ways to cope with abuse.

Setting boundaries and limiting exposure to toxic behaviour can be emotionally draining, but it is necessary for your wellbeing. If you are a victim of abuse, remember that your mother’s behaviour does not reflect your worth. You are responsible for her actions.

If you are in immediate danger, reach out to your emergency services as soon as you can.

Your Mother Projects Her Emotions Onto You

Sometimes, several factors, such as family stress, parenting concerns, and ageing, might trigger parents’ reactions. If you think your mother hates you, it may also be because of a psychological mechanism called projection. Projection is a process in which an individual (eg a parent) disowns their unpleasant emotions, desires, or traits and projects them onto another person, often without realising it.

For instance, a parent who has experienced abuse as a child may project their unresolved anger and pain onto their own child. The parent may perceive the child’s behaviour as disrespectful or disobedient and react angrily and with hostility. However, in reality, the child’s behaviour is not the root cause of the parent’s emotional reaction.

Projection is often an unconscious process, and individuals may not be aware that they are projecting their emotions onto others. However, the effects of projection can damage relationships and lead to adverse outcomes for both the projector and the recipient of the projection.

Therapy can help fix nearly 90% of parent-child relationships

Solve parental issues in therapy

Unresolved trauma in your mother’s life

Parents often carry unresolved trauma from their own lives that can impact their relationship with their children. This trauma can lead to misattunement, where parents may be unable to respond appropriately to their children’s needs, especially during periods that may trigger their own traumatic experiences.

It is crucial to remember that a parent’s unresolved trauma is not the child’s fault. However, as self-protection mechanisms increase, parents may act out their defence mechanisms on their children, leading to incorrect perceptions and unhealthy development. This can often cause a child to feel unloved and unwanted. It can even result in the development of resentment and anger towards their mother.

Understanding your mother’s unresolved trauma and how it has impacted your relationship can help you come to terms with the situation. There might be a lot of emotions to unpack during this journey. Hence, a psychologist can simplify the process through therapeutic techniques.

Your mother’s emotion might come from a place of love

Nonetheless, as mothers have a demanding role, their love can sometimes manifest in ways that we may not understand. If you are questioning whether your mother hates you, it is important to consider the reasons behind her behaviour.

One possible explanation is that your mother may be pushing you to achieve more than she did. While this may feel like criticism or even hatred, it could be her way of showing love for you.

Consulting a psychologist specialising in family therapy or trauma therapy can be a great resource to help you navigate and nurture your relationship with your mother.

What Should I Do if My Mom Hates Me? 

Feeling like your mother holds animosity towards you can negatively impact the quality of your life. In addition, if left unacknowledged, experiencing this pain can lead to more distress, sometimes contributing to conditions like depression and anxiety.

Below are a few ways to cope if the thought, “Why does my mom hate me?” consistently surfaces.

Consider Individual or Family Therapy

If you are struggling with the emotional turmoil that comes with feeling hated by your mother, individual therapy can be a beneficial resource. Therapy is a safe and confidential space where you can unpack your feelings and experiences and work towards developing coping strategies that can help you feel more empowered and in control.

In individual therapy, you will be able to explore the root causes of your distress and manage difficult thoughts such as, “Why does my mom hate me?”. You will work towards healing from the emotional wounds that your mother’s behaviour may have caused. You will also learn techniques to help manage the anxiety and stress of having a strained relationship with a parent.

A therapist can provide you with a non-judgmental ear as you speak about your challenges. They can also offer insights and practical strategies to help you navigate them. The therapy process is tailored to meet your individual needs and can help you find peace, resolution, and inner strength.

On the other hand, family therapy is a valuable option for individuals dealing with strained relationships with their mothers. The therapeutic process is designed to bring family members together in a safe and supportive environment where they can explore and work through their differences.

In family therapy, you can share your thoughts and feelings with your mother in a mediated setting. A trained therapist will be there to constructively guide the conversation.

This helps you both better understand each other’s perspectives and find ways to move forward more positively and productively. While family therapy can be challenging at times, it can also be a transformative and healing experience.

Family therapy can provide a safe space for both mother and child to work through their issues and improve their relationship.

Distance Yourself

When you feel like your mom hates you, it may be tempting to avoid any communication with her altogether. If you constantly think, “Why does my mom hate me?” This tip might be helpful for you.

Understandably, the thought of confronting your mother about her behaviour might be daunting. But clear and honest communication can help you express how her actions hurt you and help her understand your perspective. By using “I” statements to convey your emotions, you can avoid blaming or accusing her. This can give rise to more productive conversations.

Example: “I feel sad that I do not get to spend much time with you.”

While expressing your feelings is important, it is also essential to listen to your mother’s perspective. She may have a different view of the situation. It might perhaps work better to acknowledge her feelings and try to understand her narrative.

Sometimes, open communication may not always lead to an immediate solution. It may take time for both you and your mother to process your emotions and work towards a healthier relationship.

In some situations, however, directly communicating with your mother might produce opposite results or further weaken the relationship. For instance, during emotional abuse, it may benefit you to maintain a safe and emotional distance from each other.

Adjusting Your Communication

This leads us to our next coping tip. If you think, “My mom doesn’t like me” or “Why does my mom hate me for no reason?”, it may be helpful to establish boundaries during your conversation with your mother. Boundaries can help both parties understand what behaviour is and is not acceptable and can help prevent future conflicts.

For example, you may want to establish a boundary that you will not tolerate verbal abuse from your mother or that you need space and time to process your emotions before engaging in a conversation with her. It is important to be firm in your boundaries and to communicate them clearly while also respecting your mother’s boundaries.

Communication is a process. You can start to work on your relationship by reflecting on what makes you feel comfortable. This may mean limiting in-person contact, moving out of your mother’s house, or seeking the help of a therapist or mediator to facilitate communication.

Remember that improving your relationship with your mother is not solely your responsibility. If communicating with your mother is too tricky or harmful, it is okay to distance yourself from the relationship for your peace and wellbeing.

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Takeaway

While it is common to assume that parents, especially mothers, naturally love their children, this is not always the case. Sometimes, good intentions alone are not enough to give children the nurturing love they need to thrive.

It is crucial to challenge negative behaviours within family life and not let the myth of unconditional parental love prevent us from breaking these painful patterns. By doing so, we can work towards developing genuine feelings and regard for one another.

Research shows that children whose parents have resolved their past traumas and issues have a better chance of enjoying closer, more positive interactions with them. Regaining feelings for themselves seems to be a key element in altering child-rearing practices in a more loving direction.

You may ask yourself, “Why does my mom hate me?”. But having these concerns is not your fault; instead, it may be a sign to address the underlying issues. It is important to seek support and resources to help you cope with the emotional pain you may be experiencing.

Remember, you deserve love and care. And if your situation allows – it is never too late to work towards a healthier relationship with your mother.