- 29 December 2022
If you are currently attached, you might be wondering, “How do I know if he truly likes me?” or “How do I tell if he loves me?” Or perhaps, you may be single now and are thinking about what to look out for when you eventually decide to be in a relationship. Either way, you are not alone – these are valid questions that many people have thought about.
In this article, we discuss 15 signs to look out for. These points work both ways, meaning that they could just as well be answering the question “How do I tell if she loves me”. Also, while the examples used may appear to be gender-specific or heteronormative at times, many of these principles are applicable to various types of relationship dynamics as well.
How Do I Tell If He Loves Me?
1. He Respects You
Respect can be shown in the way he treats you, such as in the way he speaks to you. For example, does he talk to you politely, listen empathically as you share something emotional, and apologise when a mistake is made?
In the presence of others, respect can be demonstrated not just in the way he treats you and speaks to you, but also in terms of the types of topics that are brought up. For instance, if you said or did something which he disliked, he waits until there is a chance to talk about it with you privately, instead of bringing it up immediately in front of colleagues, friends, or family members, which might embarrass you.
2. He Trusts You
A healthy relationship requires trust. This means that if he loves you, he will not need the passwords to all your social media accounts or access to every single one of your texts. Instead, there is mutual respect between the two of you, as well as trust that the boundaries of your relationship are not being violated. An example of boundaries would be when both parties agree on what is acceptable behaviour with others, and the types of behaviour that might be defined as cheating. In a healthy relationship, there is no need for one person to try and gain control over the other – both partners are viewed as equals and treated as such.
3. He Prioritises You
At one point or another, we have all missed an event invite or left a text on read, when the reality is that it was never really a priority for us. If a person loves you, they let you know that you are a priority to them. There are many ways in which this can be done, such as by sending a text when they miss you or showing it using actions by setting aside time for you. Of course, all their other commitments do not just magically disappear into thin air. Nevertheless, they will do their best, given the circumstances.
4. He Shows Emotional Interest in You
If he loves you, the relationship will be more than just sex or enjoying your company. It is a good sign if he is keen to build an emotional bond with you and is willing to be vulnerable emotionally. This can be shown when he shares his innermost thoughts or feelings with you, which others in his life might not have had the privilege of knowing.
5. He Lets You Know That You Are on His Mind
When a person loves you, they find ways to tell you that they are thinking about you. This could be by dropping you a text in the middle of his workday, or by asking how your day is going. Words are not the only way in which he can express his love, though. Other examples include delivering food to your office or home, surprising you with a random but thoughtful gift even though there is no special occasion, spending quality time together, or holding your hand while the two of you are walking.
6. He Updates You About His Life
Another way to tell that you are on his mind is if he updates you even when he does not need to. For instance, he might drop you a text to let you know what he is doing, what his day is like, or how he is feeling at a particular moment. He may also let you know in advance if he may take a longer time to reply to your texts at times, such as if he is catching a movie with friends, for example. The intention behind this is important; the purpose is not to report every detail or to keep tabs on a partner’s movements at all times but rather, to keep each other in the loop because you care for one another.
7. He Is Interested in Discussing a Future with You
When we love a person, we naturally think about our future with them in it. This might not necessarily mean wedding bells, though. It could even be casual remarks to you regarding the type of house they envision themselves living in the future or places abroad that they hope to explore with you one day.
8. He Considers Your Wellbeing
We care about the wellbeing of the people who are important to us. This can mean anything from learning to speak their love language to trying to change our habits that may annoy our partner or have a detrimental effect on them. One example is when one partner smokes and the other is conscious about inhaling second-hand smoke. Quitting smoking entirely may be more of a long-term goal. Hence, what the person who smokes may do is limit their smoking when they are around their partner. That way, the person who smokes may continue the habit while being mindful of the other person’s wellbeing.
9. He Supports Your Individual Goals
Another way to tell if he considers your wellbeing is if he supports the individual goals you have. While couple goals are important, so are individual goals. Goals can be related to one’s education, career, finances, health and fitness, spirituality, and self-development, for example. When it comes to your personal goals, does he offer encouragement and support, or does he dismiss and minimise them?
10. He Is Proud of Being in a Relationship with You
If your partner loves you, they have no qualms telling other people about their relationship with you. Letting others know about you via social media is one way of showing this. Of course, there may be various practical reasons why they have not done so, such as parental disapproval or job-related requirements or concerns. Given the limitations, however, are they happy to share with their close friends, for instance, about you?
11. He Remembers the Small Things
He remembers the small but important things. This could be anything from how many sugars you put in your coffee (or coffees) each morning to which days will be your busiest at work this month. While most of us are unable to remember all the details of what our significant other says, these little things let you know that he was paying attention to you.
12. He Makes Decisions with You
If he loves you, he respects your autonomy and values your input in decision-making. Therefore, before deciding on things that can potentially affect both of you, he asks you what you think. Basically, you have a say, because you matter to him.
13. He Is Willing to Compromise
Naturally, both of you will not agree on everything. Some degree of give-and-take is necessary for any relationship to work. Does your partner always need to have his way, or is he willing to hear you out and negotiate a compromise from time to time?
14. He Is Willing to Have Tough Conversations
We all know that relationships take effort, and effort goes beyond the fancy surprises and “special moments” which are made known to others on social media. Neither is it all about the stereotypical flowers, chocolates, and the like.
A man who loves you and wants to spend their future with you will put in the effort to have the “tougher” conversations despite how uncomfortable they may initially feel, for the sake of improving the relationship. In other words, it is not always a bed of roses when the two of you are together, and that is okay. An example would be being willing to calmly dive deeper into the possible underlying causes of a recurring disagreement. Easier said than done for sure, and couples therapy can be helpful in navigating these topics, especially when emotions run high.
15. He Is Receptive to Feedback
Relationships are complex and it is safe to say that we will not always get it right. Sometimes, we may unintentionally say or do things that affect our partner negatively. If a person loves you, they listen empathetically when you bring up something that affected you. They may also discuss it with you to find ways to alleviate the situation in the future.
Conclusion: How Do I Tell If He Loves Me? 15 Signs to Look Out For
None of us are perfect, and neither should we expect our relationships to be. Even if your partner does not demonstrate all or most of these 15 signs to look out for, fret not – the common underlying themes are respect, trust, communication, and finding ways to show your partner just how important they are to you. The reality is that these themes can be expressed in so many other ways. What are some unique ways in which your partner has shown you that he cares about you?
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I tell if he loves me without asking him? How do you know if a man loves you? What are the signs of true love from a man? How does a man show his love without saying it? How does a man behave when he is in love?
Some signs to look out for if he loves you are that he respects, trusts, and prioritises you. He shows emotional interest in you, and does not only want to be with you for physical reasons (ie sex). He also lets you know that you are on his mind, and gives you updates about himself. Your partner is open to the idea of discussing a future with you and may even look forward to such discussions. In addition, he considers your wellbeing and remembers the small but important things about you. He values your opinions, makes decisions with you, and supports your efforts to achieve your individual goals. He is proud of being in a relationship with you. When there are disagreements, he is open to having tough conversations for the sake of the relationship, is receptive to feedback, and is willing to negotiate compromises where necessary.
There are times, however, where two people may love one another and both parties put in a lot of effort, but each person may not feel the love from their partner. One possible reason for this is that the partners might be giving and receiving love in different ways or speaking different “love languages”. If this interests you, you may wish to read up more about the five love languages, a concept introduced by Dr Gary Chapman.
How do you know when a man doesn't love you? How do you know when a man is unhappy in a relationship?
Some signs which may indicate that he does not love you or that he is unhappy in a relationship are if he does not put in any effort to communicate with you, he avoids you, he withholds affection, he is unwilling to compromise, he puts you down in front of other people, and if he makes plans without you in them. He may also be uninterested in working things out with you amicably when there are disagreements.
That said, there can be other reasons for these behaviours, such as stressors in his own life (eg peer pressure, work-related stress, burnout) or physical and mental health conditions. This is what makes communicating openly and honestly with one another so important.
What questions to ask to see if he loves you?
You can ask him about how he defines love or what love means to him, as well as his thoughts and feelings regarding the current relationship. There are also various deep questions that you can ask to get to know a person better.
What should you not do in a relationship?
A common mistake made by people in relationships is when they assume that they know what their partner is thinking or feeling, especially when things are not going smoothly.
Instead of guessing and assuming that you must be right, consider checking in with your partner by asking them directly what is on their mind. After all, they are the ones who would ultimately know their thoughts and feelings best. This simple act of clarifying can prevent miscommunication and resentment from brewing down the line.
Likewise, do not expect your partner to be able to read your mind. This is an unrealistic expectation, regardless of how long you may have been in a relationship or how well you may think your partner knows you and vice versa. For example, if you dish out the silent treatment to your partner in the hope that they will eventually link the clues together to figure out what went wrong, it is not just unlikely to work; it may have the opposite effect of frustrating your partner to no end and adding fuel to the fire. If there is something that you wish for them to know, find a way to tell them directly, politely, and lovingly.
Another common mistake is to expect your relationship to be perfect. No matter what you hear from others or what you see on social media, no couple is perfect. Any healthy relationship will have its fair share of disagreements. Unlike what happens in the movies or fairy tales where much of the hard work goes into getting into a relationship in the first place, the real work actually begins when the relationship starts. In other words, relationships are a process that requires effort from both parties, not a destination.
How long should you wait for him to say I love you?
There isn’t a fixed timeline or a “right” answer to this question, as it can be different for various individuals. Therefore, instead of focusing solely on the timing of when the words are said, one thing that you can consider doing is having a conversation with your partner to explore what saying “I love you” means to each of you. This might give you a more in-depth understanding of where your partner is coming from.
What do you do if you suspect your boyfriend is cheating?
The first thing to do is to avoid jumping to conclusions. Instead, calm yourself down and pause for a moment to think about whether there could be any other possible reasons or explanations.
You can also consider reaching out to a trusted friend or family member and confiding in them – sometimes an unbiased viewpoint from someone who is not emotionally involved in the situation can give us much-needed perspective. If confidentiality is a concern, you may also speak to a professional therapist about it.
Lastly, decide whether you would want to bring what you have noticed up with your partner, and if so, how you might go about doing this.
In the unfortunate event that your partner is indeed cheating on you, know that it is not your fault. You may not be a perfect partner (none of us are, really), but the decision to cheat was theirs and theirs alone. Moving forward, what are some of the options you would consider?
How do you test him to see if he cares? How do you make a guy miss you badly? What to do to make him jealous?
If you are in a relationship, instead of creating scenarios to test your partner, it might be more beneficial to work on your communication as a couple in the long run. This may include how you express needs to one another, respond to each other, and work through disagreements.
Some people choose to start with individual therapy to increase their self-awareness of the way they communicate or cope with their emotions, while others opt to go straight for couples therapy, which can help to address recurring interpersonal conflicts and lead to insights about relationship dynamics.
How do I stop loving someone who doesn't love me?
Many of us struggle with missing an ex or letting go of someone we love. We can start by acknowledging our feelings and being honest with ourselves. For example, might we be selectively recalling a few specific good times, and downplaying the frequent disagreements?
It is also helpful to keep in mind what is and is not within our control when it comes to the relationship with this person. An example of what we can control is learning to regulate our own emotions better, and an example of what is out of our control would be the words or actions of the other person (or the lack thereof).
