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Month: October 2021

Why Do I Feel Sad for No Reason?

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Therapy is nearly 80% effective in managing sadness & emptiness

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  • Updated on 2 July 2024

“Why do I feel sad for no reason?” is a question many of us ask ourselves from time to time. We commonly experience fluctuations in our emotional states during our day-to-day lives. Given that sadness is one of the universal emotions that every individual experiences (Ekman, 1992), it is natural to feel sad when we face difficult circumstances or losses in our personal lives. However, it can be perplexing when we are unable to attribute our sadness to any event. 

What are some underlying explanations for why we feel sad for no reason? How can we cope with this? Do we need to seek help? This article seeks to answer some of these questions. 

Sadness vs Depression: What's the Difference?

Having seen mental illnesses frequently mentioned in mainstream media, you may be wondering “Am I  sad or depressed?” When we think about feeling unexplained sadness, depression is a common mental health issue that comes to mind. 

It is important to distinguish, however, between bouts of sadness and long-term mental health conditions, such as depression. An awareness of the difference between sadness and depression allows us to better assess the type of professional support that would be beneficial for us.

Depression is characterised by persistent feelings of sadness, feelings of worthlessness, and a loss of interest in daily activities (American Psychiatric Association, 2016). It is a debilitating condition that interferes with an individual’s daily functioning. In contrast, feelings of sadness tend to be short-term in nature, and are not accompanied by other depressive symptoms (see below). 

Symptoms of Depression

Some possible symptoms of depression include (Ahmed, 2021; American Psychiatric Association, 2016):

  • Depressed mood for most of the day (ie persistent feelings of sadness and emptiness)
  • Loss of interest in activities / hobbies that one usually finds pleasurable
  • Insomnia or sleeping excessively
  • Difficulty focusing in daily life
  • Significant unintended weight loss or weight gain
  • Feeling worthless or guilty
  • Easily irritable
  • Slowing down of physical and emotional reactions, or frequent fidgeting and movement for no reason (ie restlessness)
  • Persistent thoughts of self-harm or suicide
  • Persistent fatigue
  • Frequent crying / tearing

For depression to be diagnosed, a number of these symptoms must present together and cause significant distress or difficulties in a person’s social life, occupation and other areas of daily life. They also cannot be attributed to another medical condition or be a result of drug use.

If several of the symptoms listed above resonate with you, or you see a loved one struggling with them, know that you are not alone and that something can be done about it. You or your loved one might need to reach out and seek professional help.

It is also important to note that resonating with these symptoms may not necessarily indicate depression. You or your loved one will benefit greatly from getting a mental health diagnosis and psychological support. After receiving a diagnosis, a trained professional will be able to guide you or your loved one to explore appropriate treatments to help alleviate the distress.

What Can Trigger Sadness?

Now that you know much more about the difference between sadness and depression, you may be wondering, what are some triggers for feelings of sadness?

Stress

Sometimes, when you feel sad for no reason, you may actually be experiencing stress. When we have been put under stress for a prolonged period of time, we are inclined to detach from our emotions as a coping mechanism (Weilenmann et al., 2018). Overtime, without conscious processing, these emotions may surface as unexplained sadness. 

In addition, when we go through major transitions in life, we can sometimes feel low as well. Significant life changes include switching jobs, moving houses, changing schools, or going through changes in important relationships (e.g., marriage, separation, loss). While going through the momentum of life, it can sometimes be difficult to see how the circumstances around us may be impacting our emotional states. 

It is thus important for us to recognise that our emotions are valid, and can be completely natural reactions to difficult situations. We can afford to be more compassionate with ourselves.

Physical Wellbeing

Besides stress, our physical wellbeing also affects our emotions. In some cases, low moods can be a sign of inadequate sleep (Triantafillou, Saeb, Lattie, Mohr & Kording, 2019). While meeting the demands of a fast paced society, we often neglect our quality of rest. However, sufficient sleep and rest is important to keep our physical bodies healthy and regulating our emotional states. 

Feeling sad can also be associated with inadequate nutrition. Commonly, this includes vitamin B and D deficiencies (Yang et. al., 2020). There can be many reasons why we may lack these vitamins, such as having an insufficient dietary intake or specific lifestyle choices. 

Hence, the next time you find yourself wondering why you feel sad for no reason, consider reevaluating your lifestyle and habits. If you believe your feelings of sadness are due to a nutritional issue, do seek advice from a doctor for further assessment and treatment.

Hormonal Changes

Significant hormonal changes can also elicit feelings of sadness. During puberty, as adolescents undergo maturation, they are likely to experience feelings of sadness through the process (Bailen, Green & Thompson, 2018). 

For females, low moods can sometimes be associated with the menstrual cycle. Women with premenstrual syndrome can experience low moods from between 2 weeks to days before their periods (Yonkers, O’Brien & Erikkson, 2008). 

If you find that there is a link between feeling sad and when your period begins, you may want to seek an assessment from a doctor and advice on potential treatment.

When you find yourself feeling sad for no reason, it may be a wise to dedicate time for self-care.

Therapy is nearly 80% effective in managing sadness & emptiness

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How Can We Cope With Unexplained Feelings of Sadness?

Even when we feel sad for no reason, or are unable to determine the source of our sadness, it is important to not dismiss our feelings or invalidate them. Remember that feeling sad is part and parcel of life, and you are not alone in feeling this way. 

You can still seek out coping methods that you know work best for you or even try new ones. This can be engaging in the different self-care techniques – physical, psychological, emotional, spiritual, personal or professional (Teo, 2019), or seeking support from a therapist. 

Physical

Physical self-care involves taking care of our physical wellbeing and engaging in physical activities that we derive comfort and joy from. This can include exercising, dancing, singing and even taking a nap.

Psychological

Psychological self-care involves caring for our psychological wellbeing. Some examples include making time for self-reflection, journaling and painting.

Emotional 

Emotional self-care comprises activities that allow us to consciously engage with our emotions. This can include allowing yourself to cry, watching a comedy, engaging in self-affirmations.

Spiritual

Spiritual self-care involves seeking deeper meaning in our lives. Some activities to facilitate this can include watching inspirational talks, meditating and volunteering for a cause.

Personal

Personal self-care involves activities that connect us with our loved ones. This can be spending time with your friends and family, confiding in a trusted friend and giving them a card to show appreciation.

Professional

Professional self-care involves making time at work meaningful for ourselves. This can include spending time to chat with our coworkers, rearranging our workspace and identifying projects that would interest us.

If your feelings of unexplained sadness are recurring, seeking therapy is another form of self-care that you can explore. Your therapist will provide a safe space to address any issues that may come to mind and can suggest coping strategies to help you manage low moods better.

Moreover, if you believe that the sadness you feel is a symptom of a potential mental health condition, reach out for help. Professionals counsellors and psychologists are well-versed in identifying and treating these conditions. You do not have to go through this alone, and help is always available.

Why Do I Feel Sad for No Reason?

In conclusion, there can actually be several underlying factors causing you to feel sad for no reason. You may just be unaware of them. 

Although this does not always mean that you have depression, not knowing where your sadness stems from or how to uplift your spirits can be detrimental in the long term. 

If you find yourself still struggling with your emotions despite the suggestions above, don’t forget that help is always within reach.

Takeaway

When you’re trying to figure out if your therapist is a good fit, keep an eye out for some warning signs. If you feel like your therapist isn’t really listening to you, or if they dismiss your feelings, it might be time to consider finding someone new.

It’s also a red flag if you’re not making any progress or if you feel judged during your sessions. However, also note that you might need to give therapy enough time for it to work. Hence, consider this situation with nuance and careful thought.

Therapy should be a place where you feel safe, supported, and understood. If you’re not feeling that way, don’t be afraid to look for a therapist who meets your needs better. Finding the right therapist can make a huge difference in your mental health journey. So, trust your gut and choose a therapist who truly understands you!

Frequently Asked Questions

Is feeling sad and not knowing why common?

Yes, it is common to feel sad for no reason you can think of. When we go about our fast-paced lives, it can be difficult to always be consciously aware about how we are feeling. In a busy state, an incident that may have triggered certain emotions may not otherwise properly register in our mind.

In moments of sadness, it is good to engage in activities, environments and with people that are comforting for you. If the sadness persists, you may wish to seek out a therapist who will help you process your feelings. 

Above all, remember that it is okay to ask others for help and you deserve to receive the help that you require.

How do I stop being sad?

When we feel sad without knowing why, the experience can be overwhelming. This can make us feel helpless as we find it difficult to cope with our emotions. 

However, it is important for us to remember that sadness is an emotion that we all experience at some points in our lives. There may not be a quick fix that can immediately remedy our sadness, but we can do our best to find means that help us manage the emotion when its comes.

How long does being sad last?

This depends on many factors, such as how long you may need to finish processing the emotion and the actions you take to manage it in the time being. The longest time on average that sadness may last is up to two weeks.

 If feelings of sadness persist beyond the 2-week timeframe, you may wish to seek additional professional help from a therapist.

Why do I cry so easily?

Crying is one of our natural means of soothing ourselves. If you cry easily, this can be a sign that there are pent-up feelings that need to be released for you to feel better emotionally. 

This could be due to being in long-term stressful situations, feeling sad or even as a natural response to someone else’s crying. It is okay to let yourself cry. Remember that crying is cleansing both for your emotional wellbeing and physical body (Newhouse, 2021).

Why do I feel so lonely?

As social creatures, we all have a need to feel connected to a community or social group in one way or another (Lewis, 2014). When you feel lonely, it is a good to see if your loved ones are available to spend some time with you. 

Alternatively, you may wish to join new interest groups to get acquainted with other likeminded individuals. It is part and parcel of life to experience some form of loneliness, but it is good to remember that you can always connect with others when you feel ready to do so.

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References

Ahmed, S. O. (2021). The lesser known symptoms of depression. Priory Group. Retrieved from https://www.priorygroup.com/blog/the-lesser-known-symptoms-of-depression.

American Psychiatric Association. (2016). Depressive disorders: DSM-5 selections. American Psychiatric Publishing, Inc.

Bailen, N. H., Green, L. M., & Thompson, R. J. (2018). Understanding Emotion in Adolescents: A Review of Emotional Frequency, Intensity, Instability, and Clarity. Emotion Review, 11(1), 63-73. doi:10.1177/1754073918768878. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1754073918768878

Beck, A.T. (1967). Depression. New York: Harper and Row.

Cuijpers, P., Dekker, J., Hollon, S. D., & Andersson, G. (2009). Adding Psychotherapy to Pharmacotherapy in the Treatment of Depressive Disorders in Adults. The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 70(9), 1219-1229. doi:10.4088/jcp.09r05021.

Downey, G., Feldman, S.I. (1996). Implications of rejection sensitivity for intimate relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 170(6), 1327-1343. doi: 10.1037//0022-3514.70.6.1327.

Ekman, P. (1992). Are there basic emotions? Psychological Review, 99(3), 550- 553. doi:10.1037/0033-295x.99.3.550. https://www.paulekman.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Are-There-Basic-Emotions1.pdf 

Hammen, C. (2005). Stress and depression. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 1, 293-319. doi:10.1146/annurev.clinpsy.1.102803.143938.

Hollon, S. D., Haman, K. L., & Brown, L. L. (2002). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of depression. In I. H. Gotlib & C. L. Hammen (Eds.), Handbook of depression (pp. 383–403). New York: Guilford Press.

Klerman, G. L. & Weissman, M. W. (1989). Increasing rates of depression. JAMA, 261(15), 2229-2235. Retrieved from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2648043/.

Lewinsohn, P. M., & Gotlib, I. H. (1995). Behavioral theory and treatment of depression. In E. E. Beckham & W. R. Leber (Eds.), Handbook of depression (pp. 352–375). Guilford Press.

Lewis, D. (2014). The human experience of loneliness. ABC Health and Wellbeing. Retrieved from https://www.abc.net.au/health/features/stories/2014/02/14/3944120.htm.

Newhouse, L. (2021). Is crying good for you? Harvard Health Blog. Retrieved from: https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/is-crying-good-for-you-2021030122020.

Nolen-Hoeksema, S., & Hilt, L. M. (2013). Handbook of depression in adolescents. London: Routledge.

Peterson, C., & Seligman, M. E. (1984). Causal explanations as a risk factor for depression: Theory and evidence. Psychological Review, 91(3), 347–374. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.91.3.347.

Rim, C. L., & Gitlin, M. J. (2010). Ziprasidone, monoamine oxidase inhibitors, and the serotonin syndrome. Journal of Clinical Psychopharmacology, 30, 470–471.

Rehm, L. P. (1977). A self-control model of depression. Behavior Therapy, 8, 787–804.

Saveanu, R. V., & Nemeroff, C. B. (2012). Etiology of depression: Genetic and environmental factors. Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 35(1), 51–71. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psc.2011.12.001.

Teo, B. (2019, August 29). The Art of Self-Care. SingHealth. Retrieved from https://www.singhealth.com.sg/news/joy-at-work/the-art-of-self-care.

Triantafillou, S., Saeb, S., Lattie, E. G., Mohr, D. C., & Kording, K. P. (2019). Relationship Between Sleep Quality and Mood: Ecological Momentary Assessment Study. JMIR Mental Health, 6(3). doi:10.2196/12613. https://mental.jmir.org/2019/3/e12613/

Weilenmann, S., Schnyder, U., Parkinson, B., Corda, C., Känel, R. V., & Pfaltz, M. C. (2018). Emotion Transfer, Emotion Regulation, and Empathy-Related Processes in Physician-Patient Interactions and Their Association With Physician Well-Being: A Theoretical Model. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 9. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2018.00389. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6121172/

Yang, Y., Zhang, S., Zhang, X., Xu, Y., Cheng, J., & Yang, X. (2020). The Role of Diet, Eating Behavior, and Nutrition Intervention in Seasonal Affective Disorder: A Systematic Review. Frontiers in Psychology, 11. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01451. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01451/full

Yonkers, K. A., O’Brien, P. M. S., & Eriksson. (2008). Premenstrual Syndrome. Lancet, 371. doi: 10.1016/S0140-6736(08)60527-9. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28571724/

How to Control Anger in a Relationship

Posted on by [email protected]

Nearly 75% can control anger in a relationship after receiving therapy

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  • Updated on 1 July 2024

Tags: anger, relationship, emotions

Failing to control one’s anger in a relationship can be detrimental in the long term. Naturally, we tend to shy away from projecting our anger on our partners. Likewise, we often feel at a loss or defensive when we become the recipients of an angry outburst. 

Nonetheless, occasional clashes are inevitable in intimate relationships. In fact, conflicts can promote a healthy relationship if they are handled well (Gathpazian, 2021). 

During conflicts, anger can be the dominant emotion that is felt between parties involved. What effect does anger have on our relationships with our partners? How can we control our anger in a relationship, and prevent minor frustrations from escalating into full-blown rage?

Is it Normal to Feel Angry in a Relationship?

Anger has a bad reputation in relationships. It has often been associated with being immoral and having violent tendencies (Tarabay & Warburton, 2017). It is important to remember that we all experience anger in our day-to-day lives. Feeling angry at our partner is definitely not a sign that the relationship is doomed. In fact, it is normal, from time-to-time, to feel angry in a relationship.

The short-term discomfort of communicating our anger can lead to honest conversations that benefit the relationship in the long-run (Society for Personality and Social Psychology, 2012). When anger is managed appropriately, it can lead to the deepening of intimacy in our relationships (Navarra, 2021). 

On the flipside, when anger is suppressed, we can feel deeply dissatisfied in our relationships (Uehara, Tamura & Nakagawa, 2018). Therefore, it is important for us to be forthright in expressing our anger to our partner.

The main function that anger serves is bringing our awareness to situations where we have been treated unfairly (Kassinove, 2012). This motivates us to right the perceived wrong that has been done to us. One way in which we seek to rectify the discomfort of injustice is through expressing our anger.

Some benefits of expressing our anger in relationships are that it:

Builds Understanding Between Partners

When we communicate our anger, we inform our partners what behaviours are considered transgressive to us. Our agitated tone and body language alerts them to pay extra attention. They understand better how we prefer to be treated and the boundaries in the relationship.

Allows the Angry Party to Feel Heard

When our anger is met with understanding, we feel heard in our relationships. Our expression of anger also presents our partners with the opportunity to discuss what’s not working well, and figure out how to arrive at a compromise.

Acknowledging your partner's anger allows them to feel heard and validated.

Evokes Feelings of Satisfaction

When we express our anger instead of bottling it up, we feel relieved. Our feelings of agitation and physical tension are given an outlet. Furthermore, when we come to a consensus with our partner through a fruitful discussion afterwards, we can feel accomplished.

How Anger Damages Relationships

We now know that anger does not inherently have a negative influence on our relationships. It can be beneficial and presents us with opportunities to deepen the bond with our partner.

However, it is equally important to bear in mind that anger can become destructive if it is not handled well. Our inability to control or express anger in a relationship may give rise to the following adverse outcomes. 

Key Facts

According to recent research, 60% of people feel that they are getting angrier in general. Almost 20% of people have ended a relationship or friendship because of their partner’s uncontrollable anger.

Anger can completely ruin a relationship if it’s not controlled or managed. In fact, the same research also shows that only less than 15% have sought professional help for their anger issues.

Unfortunately, due to a lack of awareness, people often don’t consider therapy to deal with their emotions. The good news is that several large analyses of published research papers show that around 75% of people who seek anger management therapy improve as a result.

Aggression Towards Our Partner

When we are hurt by our partner, we may in turn feel the inclination to inflict hurt back on them. This results in aggressive behaviour. Aggression is one way in which anger manifests in our relationships. The four different forms of aggression are:

  • Verbal aggression can mean name-calling, making threats and intimidation.
  • Physical aggression is a more well-known form of aggression and can be expressed through physically hurting our partner or damaging property.
  • Relational aggression can involve sabotaging our partner’s other relationships (eg family and friends).
  • Passive aggression is a more subtle form of aggression that can be exhibited through behaviour such as guilt-tripping and responding to our partner’s requests bitterly.

Aggressive behaviour heightens the tension between partners and creates a hostile environment. This can be very damaging to our relationships.

Repression of Anger

Our desire to maintain peace in a relationship often leads to a repression of anger. While we are able to control anger in a relationship temporarily, this lack of communication between partners results in unmet needs or expectations. 

Over a prolonged period of time, a build-up of resentment may occur. The relationship can become less satisfying, and more crucially, its longevity can be threatened (Uehara, Tamura & Nakagawa, 2018).

When Anger Becomes Emotional Abuse

While mutually aggressive behaviours can surface during disagreements, it is important to distinguish aggression from abuse. This helps us identify the kind of help we would need for our relationship. 

Abusive behaviour involves an imbalanced dynamic, such as one partner imposing coercive control over another (Geffner, 2016). Intimidation is a common tactic used by abusers, where they will threaten their partner to maintain their hold over them.

If you recognise that the unhealthy dynamic between you and your partner has progressed to abuse, it is vital to seek help. Please speak to a trusted loved one about your experiences or seek out support groups. 

Therapy is another option you can consider as a safe environment for you to process your experiences. Your experiences are valid and you deserve the support required to free yourself from a difficult and harmful relationship.

Dealing with Your Anger

While communicating our feelings is crucial in a healthy relationship we cannot simply react based on our emotions all the time. It is important to manage our anger first before engaging in a meaningful discussion with our partners.

If you are unsure of how to control your anger in a relationship, or find your current coping methods ineffective, here are some strategies for managing your own feelings of anger (Kashdan & Biswas-Diener, 2014; Kassinove, 2012; Savarese, 2013):

Nearly 75% can control anger in a relationship after receiving therapy

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Acknowledge Your Anger

Remind yourself that anger is a normal emotion that surfaces from time-to-time in our interactions with others. Even when you feel anger towards your partner, know that it is a valid experience and that you do not need to avoid your emotion.

Allow Yourself Space to Process Your Anger

When we feel angry, it may not be productive to communicate our anger immediately as our world view tends to become a black and white binary. As a result, we make snap judgements or overgeneralisations about someone else’s behaviour, such as “you always overlook my feelings” or “you never take responsibility”. 

Yet, situations are generally more complex and grey. We may need time to compose ourselves and recognise alternative scenarios and explanations.

During this period of composing ourselves, it is important to focus on caring for ourselves too. This means allowing yourself time away from your partner. If you find it difficult to calm yourself down, some useful techniques you can employ are:

  • Mindful breathing: Focus your attention on each breath, allowing for a longer exhalation period than inhalation period.
  •  Exercising: This can range from a brisk walk to engaging in sports.
  • Safe outlets for anger expression: This can include tearing paper or yelling into a pillow.
  • Distractions: Any activity that takes your mind off the situation, such as playing an instrument or video game.

Give yourself time and space to compose yourself. Solitude will help you process your emotions and brainstorm how to best communicate your needs. 

As anger is a secondary emotion, you may wish to consider whether there are underlying emotions such as fear or sadness. Thereafter, share them with your partner to give them insights into how you are feeling.

Remind yourself to look at the situation from the perspective of working on the relationship. This prevents you from focusing excessively on your partner’s wrongdoing. Don’t forget to pay attention to your partner’s opinions as they are entitled to their view as well, which may differ from yours. 

Express Anger Assertively

After thinking through the situation, you may wish to share your thoughts with your partner. To express your anger assertively, communicate your feelings directly – in a respectful but firm tone. 

This does not need to involve demeaning or criticising your partner in any way. For instance, you may state “When you forgot to inform me about the family dinner, I felt angry. I would like to discuss how we can improve our communication.”. As opposed to “You are always so forgetful, I don’t know how to deal with you.”

Ideally, your partner would be eager to resolve the issue with you. Don’t shy away from asking for what you need from your partner to feel better. This can be in the form of an apology, or a commitment to change their behaviour.

Dealing with Your Partner’s Anger

When our partners communicate their anger, we must recognise that they are attempting to be vulnerable with us. This presents us with an opportunity to acknowledge their feelings and improve our relationship. 

It is natural to feel frustrated when our partners express their anger. However, we must remember that reacting in anger will only promote a cycle of angry responses. In order to facilitate consensus and compromise with our partner, we must first understand them (Savarese, 2013). We can do so in the following ways:

Acknowledge Your Partner’s Anger and Listen Actively

When your partner lets you in on their feelings, they are being vulnerable with you. It is important for you to acknowledge and respect their emotions. 

Listen to them attentively without interrupting. You can show them that you are paying attention by asking them questions. If you have any doubts, you can use this time to clarify your understanding with them.

Remember that Your Partner’s Perspective is Valid

The perspective that your partner has on the situation is their own and is valid. It is natural to feel defensive when we are confronted. But remember that both of you are against the problem, not each other. This can be a good way to remind yourself not to take their words as a personal attack and to stay calm.

It is important for you to hold space and allow your partner to share their thoughts and feelings. At this time, they need empathy from you. Bring in your perspective only when your partner is ready to listen. Then discuss how future situations can be better handled to avoid triggering similar emotions for your partner. Finally, be ready to apologise if your partner needs it to feel comforted.

How to Control Anger Outbursts when Interacting with My Partner?

It is not always easy to control anger in a relationship, especially during arguments. In the heat of the moment, you may lash out at your partner, and regret your actions after. This shows that more conscious effort may need to be put into creating a calm and non-confrontational environment. Here are some strategies you may find useful (Novaco & DiGiuseppe, 2011):

Recognise Your Triggers

Reflect on the situations that have provoked your feelings of anger. After identifying these scenarios, look for solutions to avoid these situations. For instance, you may find yourself consistently arguing with your partner about the choice of food they purchase. 

Rather than berate them, you may wish to provide them with a list of food you both enjoy. This allows your partner to better understand your preferences and make adjustments gradually.

Forgive and Not Dwell

It can be tempting to remind yourself of past incidents that have piqued your anger. However, this often builds up resentment towards your partner. It is good to let bygones be bygones, especially if the incident has already been addressed and resolved. 

You can place your focus instead on aspects of your partner that you appreciate. Practicing gratitude is more beneficial and productive for the future of your relationship.

Stay Aware of Your Emotions

Being able to spot physiological signs when you are getting angry is important. This allows you to remove yourself from the situation or distract yourself before your anger transforms into full-blown rage. By being self-aware, you spare your partner from becoming the target of your angry outbursts.

After removing yourself from the situation, you can attempt to regulate your emotions by giving yourself an outlet to vent and process them. This can be through writing, drawing or even confiding in a trusted friend outside of the relationship.

However, if you find it difficult to identify your triggers or process your emotions, therapy can be a viable option moving forward. Therapists can facilitate a better understanding of your triggers and guide you in formulating solutions to better manage your anger.

Always remember that with consistent communication and effort, it is definitely possible to control anger in a relationship, and forge a healthier bond with your partner. 

Takeaway

Failing to control anger in a relationship can eventually lead to unavoidable conflicts, arguments, and damage.

While anger is usually seen as a negative emotion, it is normal to experience it and, when managed effectively, can lead to honest conversations and deeper intimacy.

Anger can become a problem only when it’s uncontrollable and causes harm to oneself or the other person.

It’s important to express anger sensitively, communicate effectively, and understand our partner’s perspective to maintain a healthy relationship. Therapy and anger management strategies can also play a crucial role in controlling anger and preventing it from damaging our relationships.

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References

Kashdan, T. & Biswar-Diener, R. (2014). The Right Way to Get Angry. Greater Good Magazine: Science-based Insights for a Meaningful Life. Retrived from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_right_way_to_get_angry.

Kassinove, H. (2012). How to recognize and deal with anger. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/recognize.

Gathpazian, A. (2021). Healthy Relationships: Definition, Characteristics, and Tips. Berkeley Well-Being Institute. Retrieved from https://www.berkeleywellbeing.com/healthy-relationships.html.

Geffner, R. (2016). Partner Aggression Versus Partner Abuse Terminology: Moving the Field Forward and Resolving Controversies. Journal of Family Violence, 31, 923-25. Retrieved from https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10896-016-9898-8.

Navarra, R. (2021). The Positive Side of Anger in Relationships: A Door to Increasing Intimacy. Retrieved from

https://drrobertnavarra.com/the-positive-side-of-anger-in-relationships-a-door-to-increasing-intimacy/.

Novaco, R. W. & DiGiuseppe, R. (2011). Strategies for controlling your anger: Keeping anger in check. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from Strategies for controlling your anger: Keeping anger in check (apa.org).

Savarese, I. H. (2013). Anger in Relationships: Owning Yours, Softening Your Partner’s. GoodTherapy. Retrieved from

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/anger-in-relationships-owning-yours-softening-your-partners-0919134.

Society for Personality and Social Psychology. (2012). Sometimes expressing anger can help a relationship in the long-term. ScienceDaily. Retrieved from

www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/08/120802133649.htm.

Tarabay, C & Warburton, W. (2017). Anger, aggression and violence: it matters that we know the difference. The Conversation. Retrieved from

 https://theconversation.com/anger-aggression-and-violence-it-matters-that-we-know-the-difference-82918.

Uehara, S., Tamura, T & Nakagawa, T. (2018). The Positivity of Anger: Non-Expression of Anger Causes Deterioration in Relationships. Psychology, 9, 1444-1452. doi: 10.4236/psych.2018.96088. https://www.scirp.org/journal/paperinformation.aspx?paperid=85730.